Remember me
by MrsxShepherd
Summary: It's the first anniversary of Derek's death. Meredith is trying to cope with her life, but does it succeed? What happens when he comes back? Can they survive it?
1. White roses

**Hi :) Before you start reading, you have to know a few things:**

**1) This is my first fanfic, so I am sorry if there are some mistakes.**

**2) All rights belongs to Shonda Rhimes and Grey's ABC.**

**3) In my universe I have changed a few things, what are different from the real Grey's Anatomy, so don't be suprised. ;)**

**And I am so sorry if there are some grammar or spelling mistakes, because English is not my native language.**

* * *

**Summary**: It's the first anniversary of Derek's death. Meredith is trying to cope with her life, but does it succeed?

* * *

"Hi, Derek." Meredith said, as she sat down next to him and put down white roses on his grave. It has been a year without him in this world and Meredith still couldn't believe it. She missed him so much. He was the love of her life and now he was gone…

She touched his gravestone and soon the first tear met it. Her soul was hurting, her green eyes cried all the pain she was feeling inside. Her trembling fingers slowly made it's way to the middle of his grave stone, where was written his name.

_Derek Christopher Shepherd_

_1971-2015_

_Beloved father, husband, son, uncle, friend un surgeon_

_'It's a beautiful day to save lives'_

She wanted to visit her husband's grave alone, be able to talk to him while no one was listening and cry while no one saw it. Meredith was strong, everyone knew it, but today she could't be. She wanted to forget her pain and loss, forget what she have lost.

She was damaged and hurt, alone in this world without someone's shoulder to cry on... Alex was her person, Amelia was her sister, but it wasn't the same as it was with Derek, because he was everything what she could have asked for.

When she was damaged, when she was dark and twisty, when she needed him, he was always there. But now she needed him more, but Derek wasn't there. No longer was his beating heart, his lovely smile and handsome face… his beautiful eyes… there was nothing left.

"It's been a year," She said. "One year without you in my life... I miss you. I miss you so much…

"I wish I was able to see your face again, feel you touch, smell you cologne or kiss you again. I wish to hear you say 'I love you' every night before I fall to sleep. I wish you could see our children grow up."

"They all have grown up so much. Chris and Matt look just like you, but with my nose, thanks God!" She smiled for the fist time today. "They are your little clones. And they made this drawing for you, which I unfortunately left home. There were you and me, and our four kids."

"Bailey is two now. You were right, when you said that he was going to be a trouble maker. Last week, when we were in the market, he dropped three jars of jam on the floor and I had to pay for them."

"After your dead... I found about I was pregnant. And in the first January, 2016 I gave birth to our daughter Ellis Shepherd. She also looks like you," Meredith laughed. "I named her after my mother, because she wasn't a bad mother, she just didn't know how to express her feelings, how to show her love to me. But most importantly I know what she felt when Richard left her. I know that feeling."

She took a deep breath and continued. "I have another half-sister. Her name is Maggie and she is my mom's and Richard's daughter… our relationship ir very complicated. We only speak in hospital if we need it for a pacient, that's all."

"Amy has been a big support to me. She was with me when I cried, when I missed you and wanted to die, when I got to know about my pregnancy… She was with me when I gave birth to our daughter. She is my sister and I am glat that I met her."

Meredith stayed silent for a moment. She had told him everything, almost everything.

"Derek, I love you. I love you so much that it hurts me from inside. After your death, I wished to be dead, because I wanted to be with you. I am not proud of my thoughts, but that's how I felt and how I feel still sometimes."

"I know I have to be strong for our children, because I am they mother and the only parent that is still alive. Boys ask about you everyday, even Bailey. His first word actually was daddy not mommy," She smiled, but smile was sad and didn't reach her eyes. She wanted to lie there, besides Derek, and just forget the world. "Yesterday he asked me where daddy was. And I broke into tears, because it was too much for me. Ellis had cried all night, twins were sick and your death anniverary was coming. And in that moment your sister came home and took care of him, while I went to our bedroom and cried until I fell asleep on your side of the bed."

Meredith took a deep breath and swept away tears. She carefully stood up.

"I love you Derek and I don't think that I will be able to move on and be able to live in a world without you. You were and still are the love of my life and nothing is going to change it. I won't be able to love another man and I am not sure if I want to."

"I know that somewhere you are waiting for me… and I promise that one day we will meet again." She kneeled down, kissed her palm and pressed it to her husband's grave. "I will always love you Derek, no matter what."

She took her bag, adjusted flowers and started to go to car. Today she decided to take Derek's old jeep, because Meredith wanted to feel closer to him. She unlocked her car, put the bag inside and for the last time turned around to see Derek's grave… and then she saw him.

He was leaning against a tree near his gravestone, arms crosed over his chest. He looked exactly like that night at bar when they met for the first time. And most importantly – he was smiling. He was smiling at Meredith, his wife, mother of their four children and the love of his life.

Meredith felt tears burning her red cheeks, but she didn't care.

"_I love you Meredith, remember that_." He said smiling. And then he was gone. Just like that.

And she remembered.


	2. A photo album

**Hi :)**

**This was meant to be a one-shot, but somehow I wrote this chapter and I am planing to write more. As I told you, I have made some changes into my universe of Grey****'****s Anatomy, so don****'t be surprised. Also I saw last Grey****'s episode and started to cry when Meredith said - _You stood over my dying husband_... and this is my FAVORITE scene at the moment. **

**And I am so sorry if there are some grammar or spelling mistakes, because English is not my native language. **

* * *

Meredith was walking around their land with her children. Twins, who were five, were running before her, Bailey, who was two, was walking next to his mother and pointing at everything around him, and little Ellis, who was three months old, was sleeping in her stroller.

Meredith loved walking around their land. Before Derek's death they all every Sunday walked around the land. That was their little tradition since Meredith had got pregnant with twins.

"Mommy, look!"

"Yes, Bailey, there is a waterfall." She smiled. Bailey was too smart for his age, but that was nothing new to her. The twins also were in his age. She still remembers how they used to talk all the time while other kids were only learning how to do it. It was a Shepherd thing.

* * *

_"Daddy, what is this?" Asked two years old Chris._

_"It's a salmon, son." Derek proudly answered. He was holding it in his hands. _

_Derek had gone fish flying early that morning and the twins wanted to see him, so she took them to him. _

_"What is salmon?" Asked Matt. He was Derek's little clone. Chris also were, as they are identical twins, but he got Meredith's green eyes while Matt got Derek's blue. _

_"It's a fish, Matt." Meredith answered. She was feeling proud. Her little boys were too smart for their age, but soon they won't be her little boys anymore. _

_"Are you alright, Mer?" Derek asked Meredith. She looked at him and saw his worried face. She smiled and toke a step closer to kiss him. _

_"Never been better, Der." She smiled and kissed him. She wanted to remember this moment forever and enyoy it, because in a few months there will be no peace. _

_"Der?" _

_"Yes."_

_She looked into his eyes and smiled before she said their news to him. Meredith knew how much he wanted it and this was a perfect time for it._

_"I'm pregnant."_

* * *

This was the place where she had told him about Bailey. She still remembers his big smile and happy laughs. She remembers how he took her in his arms and kissed with love. She remembers him saying ´I love you'. She remembers everything.

* * *

_"I, Derek Christopher Shepherd, take you, Meredith Grey, to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honour you all the days of my life." He said and smiled._

_"I, Meredith Grey, take you, Derek Christopher Shepherd, to be my husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honour you all the days of my life." She said and smiled._

_"By the power vested in me by the State of Washington, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride."_

_And he kissed her. _

_She was his and he was hers._

_She was his wife._

_He was her husband._

_And they were made for each other._

* * *

Derek promised to love her all of his life and he had kept his promise. He had loved her until his last breath. He had promised her love and happiness.

He had promised her family and home and she got it. She had four beautiful children and two dogs, who all were running around together. He had built her a dream house on his land.

She had everything he had promised. She had everything, exept one thing. She didn't have him…

* * *

It was ten in the evening and the kids were sleeping. Her sister-in-law had come home two hours ago and had gone straight to bed, leaving Meredith the only one awake. She went to the living room and sat down on the sofa, taking an old photo album with her.

The old Meredith would have taken a bottle of tekila and drank it, drinking her pain away, but the new Meredith – a widow and a single mother of four won't do it. She haven't had a drink since Derek's death and lowkey she was feeling proud of it. She needed to be there for her children and Amelia. They didn't need to see her drunk and crying her ass out. She was strong and kept her promise not to drink.

Suddenly she heard someone coming down from upstairs. It was Amelia.

"Hi," She said. Amelia's red hair was in mess. She had dyed them last night, because Owen broke her heart. They were together for a few months until he decided to take a break. Amelia was upset about it and decided to make changes in her appereance. She cut her hair to shoulder length and dyied them red. The colour was close to Addison's - Derek's ex wife's hair colour. She had seen her only in pictures.

Under Amelia's eyes were bags and she was still wearing her work clothes. She smiled to Meredith before went to the kitchen and started to make a coffee for herself.

"Do you wanna some?"

"No, thank you."

After ten minutes Amelia came and sat next to Meredith. She saw Meredith looking at the photo album. "What is this?"

"A photo album."

"I can see it, Mer." Amelia rolled her eyes. "Whose - ?"

"Derek's." Meredith looked at her siser in law and saw her suprised features.

"I have never seen it before."

Meredith smiled before putting it on a coffee table next to her. She turned to Amelia. "Because it was made here, in Seattle." Meredith looked outside where her dogs were running around. Max and Doc prefered to live outside. It was a miracle if they both slept inside the house for a whole night.

"When he moved here… He wanted to have a fresh start. Forget about Addison and Mark, about your family who hated his decision to move here and work under Richard. He was tired of New York and his fancy life."

"He didn't belong there." Amelia said.

"Yes… When he first came here… he started taking pictures of everything. His land, his trailer, ferryboats. Everything. And then - "

"You came."

Meredith nodded. "He started to take pictures of me, of us. Soon there were too many pictures of everything that he decided to make a photo album of us." Meredith took it again and showed her the first page of it. There was a photo of them. She was laughing and he was kissing her cheek. They both were lying in a grass on his land, which now was hers.

Below it was written:

_You were like coming up for fresh air._

_It's like I was drowning and you saved me._

_Thank you for everything!_

_Eternally Yours,_

_Derek._

"It was his present to me in our first anniversary."

"It's beautiful!" Amelia said. "Can I see it?"

Meredith gave the photo album to Amelia, but then heard Doc's barking. Meredith slowly got up and went to get him, but when she opened a the door, she saw an unfamiliar man. He was tall, most likely in his late thirties. He had grey eyes and light brown hair, who were made in a man bun.

He spoke the first. "Hello! My name is detective Luke Green, and I am sorry for coming here this late. I'm here to find Meredith Shepherd, the wife of Derek Shepherd."

"You are talking to her." Meredith answered.

"Can we talk inside?"

"Yes, of course." She moved from the door and let him in.

"Mer, who is there?" Asked Amelia, when she stood up and made her way to them. "Who are you?"

"Who are you?" He asked back and looked at the person on the other side of the room. Meredith saw their eyes meeting and smiled. "_Maybe it was for the best_," she taught. Amelia needed someone, who wasn't Owen. He make her cry for most nights and at the end broke her heart by getting back to Cristina – his ex-wife.

Amelia was starting to blush. Her eyes were shinning and so was detectives.

"I'm Amelia… Amelia Shepherd."

"Derek's sister?"

Amelia's eyes widened and she broke the eye contact. She took a step closer to Meredith and stood next to her. "Who are you?"

Luke took out a photo from his jackets pocket. "I came her to speak about him." He showed the photo and they finally saw it.

It was Derek, _their_ Derek.


	3. I'm not right, Amy

While Amelia was looking at her brother's photo, Meredith started talking to the detective.

"Why are you showing us this?" She asked. She was angry and hurt at the same time. It was hard for her to accept Derek's death. And now out of nowhere came this detective and started reopening her scars. Didn't he think that she would be hurt? Hearing her dead husband's name will always be painful, and never she will able to forget him.

He took a deep breath. "We have information about him."

"He is dead, Mr. Green." Meredith said and made her way to the kitchen. "And I assume that you know it."

The detective didn't replay to her.

"Why are you here, detective?" She asked and turned to face him. "If you came here to speak about my dead husband and his death – "

"He is alive, Mrs. Shepherd."

Meredith stopped. She wasn't sure that she had heard him right. Did he just say that Derek is alive? That wasn't possible. She saw how her husband's heart stopped beating, because she was the one who took him off from the life support. His brain was dead and so was he.

"That's not possible." She denied. Meredith looked at Amelia, who was shocked. She was looking at the wall next to Mer's head. "I'm a doctor, I saw him dying."

Luke took a step closer to her. "I know that this all sounds crazy, but – "

"This sounds like a sick joke." Said Amelia as she came closer. In her hands still was Derek's photo.

"Believe me it's not. I really mean it. Your husband is alive, Mrs. Shepherd."

"Please, stop lying to me." Meredith took a deep breath. She was trying no to cry in front of this man. Derek couldn't be alive. He HAD died.

"I'm not lying." He took something out of his pocket and showed it to Meredith. "This photo was taken three days ago in Atlanta General. Do you regonize this man?"

Meredith took the photo out of his hands. The man in this photo looked like Derek. He had dark hair, who were much longer than Derek's. He had a beard. Two or three cm long. Derek NEVER had a beard.

But still she could see her husband in his face. Even if his eyes were closed and he was lying in a hospital bed with a lot of different wires and tubes. He looked so much like him.

"He… He looks like Derek." Meredith said and showed the picture to Amelia.

"I agree with you, Mer." She said and gave the man back his photo. "But that doesn't mean anything. My brother died a year ago."

"This is your brother, Ms. Shepherd. We even did a DNA test to compare his blood."

Meredith couldn't say a word. She was shocked and was hoping that this wasn't a dream. She wanted him to be Derek. She wanted him to be her husband, the father of her children. If he is not her Derek… if he is not he…

Meredith felt tears running down her cheeks. She was crying, because of this miracle. The man in that photo could be her husband, the love of her life, and they DNA matched. "_Was this all real?"_ She thought. Maybe this is just a sick joke or a miracle dream that will never be true.

"Are you sure?" Asked Amelia. She had taked Mer's hand and now was squeezing it.

"Yes. One hundred percent sure."

And then there was silence. No one said a word or made a sound. Meredith was quietly crying, Amelia was trying to understand the new information about her dead brother and Luke was watching both woman.

He understood that it was hard for them and he tried to respect it, but soon they would need to talk about him and his future. He needed a surgery, but the doctors first needed to know his identity and get a signature from his family to do the surgery.

After long minutes of silence Meredith was the first one to speak. "Where is he now?" She said through tears.

"In Atlanta General, but soon he is going to be moved to Grey+Sloan hospital." Luke spoke, but then he looked ar his watch and realized that he didn't know the right time. He was still living after Atlanta's time. "How much time is it now?"

"Half past ten."

"Half past one in Atlanta. This means that they are already on their way."

"And when he is going to be here?"

"At four in your time." Detective said.

"I have to call Alex." Meredith said and started to make her was out of the kitchen to get her phone, but detective stopped her. "I need someone to watch my kids. I can't leave them alone."

"Alright." He agreed and stepped out of her way. She went to the master bedroom and dialed Alex's phone.

"Meredith, do you know what time is it?" Asked Alex. Meredith had a feeling that she had woken him up.

"I need you to babysit the kids, Alex."

"Meredith, what is happening?"

"It's… complicated. Can you please come?" She was trying not to cry. She didn't want to break down now, when she needed to be strong. In a few hours she will be seing her husband again and she had to be strong.

"I will be there in an hour." He said and ended the call.

It took an hour to get from the main land to the Shepherd's house. Meredith had one hour to get her things and calm down. She didn't know were to start or what to do.

There was a knock on the door.

"Yes?"

It was Amelia. "The detective said that you should take Derek's death certificate, his old passport and other documents with his name with you. They need them."

Meredith nodded. "I will get them. How are you feeling?"

"I…it's hard to understand it all. My head is hurting." Amelia took a step closer to Meredith, who was sitting on the bed. "How are _you_?"

Meredith didn't replay to her immediately.

"Meredith?"

"I am fine."

"Meredith."

"I'm…." She looked into her blue eyes. Just like Derek, she always cared about Meredith. She was her only family since Derek's death. Her mother and sisters were no longer in her life. "I'm not right, Amy."

Amelia didn't say a word. She just sat next to her sister-in-law and took her in the arms, allowing Meredith to cry her pain away.


	4. Two more hours

**Hi :)**

**I want to say thank you to everyone, who is reading my story! I love you all and I am happy that you like it. And a big thank you to PATSY, who inspired me to continue this fanfic **

**I was thinking about changing my username and I already have an idea. Should I change it?**

* * *

Meredith was sitting in the backseat of the detectives car and thinking how much her life had changed in the last 24 hours. Her husband was alive. Derek was alive and it wasn't just a dream. Derek was alive and is being transported from Atlanta General. But seeing him in that photo made Meredith feel pain.

He was lying in the hospital bed with a lot of different wires and tubes around him. Derek wasn't alright and she knew it, but he was alive, It was better than being dead, but still he could die. Will she survive his death for the second time?

"Luke? Can I call you like that?" Amelia said. She was sitting next to Meredith, her head lying on Meredith's shoulder.

"Only if I can call you Amelia." He answered. "_Was he flirting with Amelia?" _Meredith thought and looked at both of them. Amelia had locked her eyes with his through rear-view mirror. Slowly her cheeks were getting redder. She was starting to blush! In different situation Meredith would be glad, but now wasn't the right time.

"The detective," Meredith started. "In the picture Derek was lying in the hospital's bed with different tubes and wires… What is wrong with him?"

"I'm not a doctor, Mrs. Shepherd." So he was going to call Meredith by her surname. "All I know is that he has some problems with his brain and that's why he is not waking up."

Meredith took a deep breath… _He has some problems with his brain..._ She hoped that doctors will be able to help him. She didn't want to lose him again, not now, when she had found him again.

"Mer?" Amelia whispered. "We will help him, don't worry."

Meredith didn't answer, because in her heart she knew about risks and pain if she will lose him again. She didn't want to get any hopes up, but, unfortunetelly, it was too late.

* * *

_"Meredith, what's happening?" Asked Alex. He and Jo had come a few minutes ago. _

_"They found Derek."_

_"I don't understand." _

_"Alex," Meredith said and looked at him. "I know this sounds unrealistic, but he is alive. Derek is alive. I still can't believe it, but that man - " She pointed at Luke, who was waiting for her with Amelia. Jo stood next to her. "He says that Derek is alive. I have to go and see it by myself."_

_"Who is he?"_

_"A detective from Atlanta." She stopped in front of Jo and have her Ellis' bunny. "If she starts crying, give her this. It will calm her down."_

_"I know, Mer." She smiled and hugger her. "Good luck with everything."_

_"Call us when you know something." Alex called after her. _

_"I will." Meredith answered, before climbing inside Luke's car. _

* * *

_It was late Sunday's evening. The bar was crowded and loud, full with a lot of people. She was lucky to find a free seat at the bar. Next to her was sitting a man with a glass of scotch in his left hand. There was no ring on his fourth finger, so he wasn't married._

_He had black, curly hair, dark stubble was covering his cheeks and he was wearing a red shirt. Under it she saw his wide shoulders and strong back muscles. _

_As if he could feel her staring, he turned his head and she saw his eyes. They were blue, like the ocean. And then he smiled. He had the most beautiful smile in all world. It was dreamy._

_"McDreamy." She whispered._

_The man chuckled. "Mcdreamy?"_

_Meredith was blushing. Why did she had to say that loud? "I'm sorry." She apoligized and turned her head to locate a barmen with her eyes. He was on the other side of the bar. _

_"Derek." Man next to her said. She turned back to him and saw him grinning. _

_"Meredith."_

_"Nice to meet you Meredith." He said and took a sip of his drink._

_"You too, Derek." She smiled. There was something about this man that draw her to him. Maybe his hair, which she wanted to touch. Maybe that was his smile, that made her heart beat faster. Or his eyes – blue as the ocean. She wanted to get lost in them and forget about everthing._

_Little did she know that Derek was feeling the same way about her. She was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Her dark green eyes were shining, her smile was making him weak and he wanted her beautiful and slim body under his. _

_"So.. McDreamy?"_

* * *

Meredith and Amelia were in a private waiting room at the airport. Two more hours left. Two more hours until they will see Derek. Luke has been gone for some time now. He had to do some work related things.

Meredith looked at Amelia and saw her sleeping. She was exhausted from everything – her work, her and Owen's break up and her life. She was trying so hard to put her life together but it was falling evertime when she somehow had put it together.

Suddenly her phone vibrated. She took it and saw a message from Alex.

**Alex:** _hi, how r u?_

**Meredith:** _i've been better. two more hours_

**Meredith:** _how are kids?_

**Alex:** _sleepin'. jo went up to look, but she didn't come back. i'm feelin'scared._

Meredith smiled at his message. Alex was trying to be funny.

**Alex:** _i hope she doesn't leave me for one of your kids_

Meredith again smiled.

**Alex:**_ how's Amelia?_

**Meredith:**_ zzzzz_

**Meredith:**_ i wish i could sleep_

**_Alex:_**_ too much?_

**_Meredith:_**_ yeah, still feels impossible_

**_Alex:_**_ everything's goin' to b alright. go and try to get some sleep before your prince comes back_

**_Meredith:_**_ you know he's a king, right? _

**_Alex:_**_ go and sleep, mer_

Meredith put her phone back down and looked at her wedding ring. It was made from gold and had something written inside of it. She took it off and looked at engraving.

_forever your mcdreamy_

She smiled and put it back, before Luke came into her view.

"Hi, I have something for you." He said and gave Meredith a package. "This was with him, when he was found, and I thought that you would want it."

Meredith opened the package and took out Derek's wedding ring. It looked new and bright. Meredith needed to be sure that it's his, so she tried to find it's engraving. And she found it.

_always your girl in a bar_

"It's his." She quietly said and looked at Luke. "Thank you, detective."

"I'm only doing my job." He smiled. "He will be here in two hours."

Meredith nodded. "Two more hours…"


	5. He is here

**Hi :)**

**As you can see, I have changed my nickname from _QueenIeva_ to _MrsxShepherd_. Also I have changed the picture of this story. Do you like it? **

**There is one week left until my winter break, so I am hoping that I will be able to post more of this fanfic and maybe start another one. It would also be about Merder of course xD. I love them and that****'s one of the reasons why I can't let him (Derek) go.**

* * *

"He will be here in five minutes." Luke told them and Meredith's world stopped. He will be there in five minutes. She will finally see her husband.

Meredith stood up and took Amelia's hand ir her. She squeezed it and also stood up. They both looked into each other's eyes and Amelia took a deep breath. She was also as frightened as Meredith.

"Where we should go?" Amelia asked. She removed her hand from Meredith's and wrapped them around herself.

"Follow me."

Luke went through big doors, which led outside. Rain had stopped, and Meredith looked into the dark sky. There was no light there, but then out of nowhere she saw something. At first it was a small dot, but then it grew bigger and bigger and then she saw it. It was an airplain.

This time Amelia was the one, who took Meredith's hand and squeezed it.

"That's our plane." Luke said and looked at them. He saw two scared woman, who were waiting for a miracle, and their miracle was coming home. He meant a lot to them. He was Meredith's and Amelia's life.

Meredith was looking at the plane. Only in a few minutes he will be here. Her husband, her Derek, will be here. She will see him again, hold him in her small hands and, when he will wake up, she will kiss him. Meredith will say 'I love you' and kiss kim everywere. She will take they kids to him, Derek will meet his little and only daughter Ellis. Their kid will again have their father and she will again have her husband.

"We will do everything." Amelia whispered. Meredith looked at her and say her sister-in-law crying. They will do anything to wake him up again and make him to see the daylight. Together they will do everything. Together they are strong and unstoppable, no one can get in their way. With Bailey, Chief, Jackson, Callie, even Maggie and all others they will do everything. They are the dream team, who is missing one person, one man, who can change the entire world, can do impossible surgeries and bring back patients from death. And now they have to save him from death.

Derek Shepherd will be saved and both woman knew it.

"We will." Meredith smiled for the first time in the last few hours. "He will live, Amy, I am sure of it."

Amelia also smiled. She knew it.

"He is here." Luke said as the plane landed. It was a green military plane with big back doors. As the doors began to open, Meredith released Amelia's hand and started to walk towards it. She was waiting for this moment too long and finally it was here.

While Meredith was walking, Amelia and Luke stayed back watching her. They wanted to give her some space, when she sees him. Amelia also wanted to see Derek, but she knew what this all meant for Meredith, how much she had cried for the last year, how much she had hoped for a moment like this. This was special for Meredith and she should be the first one to see Derek after all.

Meredith stopped just a few steps away from the plain. The doctors were leading a bed with her husband down. Just as they stepped down, she started to walk again, this time faster than before, almost running. In a few short seconds she was next to him.

"Derek..." She said and looked at his sleeping form. He looked just like in the photo. His hairs was truly longer and she saw one grey hair pinch in front of his hair. It was something between his natural dark hair and a grey colour. There were also a few other grey hair in his almost shoulder lenght hair, but she didn't care about it.

Derek also had beard. It wasn't long, but definitely longer than his usual face hair. Also it had some grey stubble in it, but he still loked young and beautiful. He had a scar on his forehead from motobike accident when he was younger. His face also had another scar. It was on his right side of the face, next to his eye and was about 5 cm long.

Meredith also saw that her husband had lost some weight. It was usual for patients in coma, but she was concerned about it. The rest of his body was covered with white blanket, it was connected with different wires and tubes, but most importantly – his heart was beating. She saw it on his heart monitor.

She lifted her left hand and touched his face. Derek's beard scratched her hand, but she didn't care. She could live with it, if he decides to grow his beard this long.

"Derek." She said again and with other hand touched his hair. Their were soft, just as she remembers them. Meredith smiled. "We will get through this, I promise." And for the first time in the past weeks she cried from the hapiness. She was happy.

* * *

"Were should we take him from here?" Asked one of the doctors, who was with Derek.

"Grey Sloan." Meredith answered. "Do you know were it is?"

"Yes, Mrs. Shepherd." He answered and said it to the doctors, who were putting Derek in the ambulance.

"I'm going with him." Meredith answered and looked at her sister-in-law. "If you don't mind."

Amelia took a step closer and hugged Meredith. "Go, he need you more than me. After all you are his wife, the love of his life. I'm just his little sister, who always gets into a trouble."

Meredith left Amelia's embrace and took her hand in hers. "Amelia, you know that it's not true. You mean Derek just as much as I. You are his little sister, the only one, who supported his decision to move here, divorce Addison after all what had happened and didn't persuade him to save his marriage. You are the one, who doesn't hate me or blame me for his death…. I still remember Nancy's and Liz's words at his funerel."

* * *

_"It's your fault that my brother is dead. He should have never married you and stayed in Seattle. D.C. was the best thing that has happened in his life and you took it from him. He is dead because of you, Meredith."_

_"Maybe he should have stayed in New York or returned after Addison came to Seattle. He would still be alive. You made him stay here, and now he is dead."_

* * *

"Meredith." Amelia wiped Meredith's tears. Her sisters' words hurt Meredith. "Don't worry about them, Mer. That all is in the past now. Derek is alive, and _together_ we will wake him up."

"We will." She said it for the second time in the past hour.

"Mrs. Shepherd, are coming with us?" Asked another doctor. Meredith nodded and made her way to the ambulance, while Amelia went with Luca.


	6. I would want to know

**Hi :) **

**Two parts in one day? Why not! I love this story and I am making it as much different as I can from other stories, where Derek is alive. I want this to be something different, someting that you love and that I love. I am glad for everyone of you, who are reading this story! Thank you for it :)**

* * *

"Miranda Bailey is listening."

"Hi, It's me Meredith." She said silently.

"Are you alright Meredith? Did something happen?" Meredith heard concern in her old resident's voice. Meredith was like a daughter to her, who always in her intern days got in troubles with Alex, Lexie, Cristina, Jackson and all other's.

"I need a favour from you. I'm sorry that I am calling you this late – "

Miranda stopped Meredith. "Cut the crap, Meredith."

"Sorry, Miranda." She appologized and took a deep breath. "Derek is alive."

"What did you just say?"

"That Derek is alive. Miranda, I am not joking." She said and looked at her husband's sleeping form. "We will be at Grey Sloan in about 45 minutes. I need you to get me Pierce, Hunt, Chief and the best neurosurgeon you know."

"Are you sure it's him?" Miranda asked. It was hard for her to believe this. After all Derek was one of her best friends.

"Yes, please, Miranda, believe me. I will tell you more when I see you." Meredith said and looked at Derek. His heart was beating.

"Alright." Bailey took a deep breath. "Do you need something more?"

"Yes. Can you get me a free ICU, what is hidden from others? I can pay for a VIP room, if there isn't any free ICU. The money isn't a problem, you know it."

"I will do what I can. Don't worry about anything, Meredith. I will get you everything."

"Thank you, Miranda. See you in the hospital."

When Meredith finished the phone call with Miranda Bailey, she decided to text Alex.

**Meredith:** _we are on our way to GS_

**Alex:** _is it really him?_

**Meredith:** _yes. i still can't believe it. his heart is beating, but there are some problems and that's why he doesn't wake up_

**Alex:** _what kind of problems?_

**Meredith:** _something with his brain. i asked Bailey to get us one of the best neurosurgeos she knows_

**Alex:** _um… Amelia is one of the best but she can't operate on Derek. not to mention Derek. he is the legend._

**Meredith:** _i know you are trying to joke, but right now it's not the right moment_

**Alex:** _sorry Mer. i was tryin' to make you smile_

**Meredith:** _it's alright_

**Meredith:**_ how are kids?_

**Alex:** _sleepin'. Ellis woke up about 20 min ago but we got her to sleep again_

**Meredith:**_ do you have work tomorrow?_

**Alex:**_ no but jo has. she's sleepin' on the couch._

**Meredith:**_ you should also get some sleep._

**Alex:**_ u 2. goodnight mer x_

**Meredith:**_ sleep well, Alex, and thank you :)_

When they were halfway there, Meredith decided to ask Amelia advice. This thought had been in her head for the past few hours, and she didn't know what do about it. She didn't want to make a mistake and she didn't want regret her decision.

**Meredith:** _Amy, i don't know what to do_

**Amelia:** _Did something happen to Derek?_

**Meredith:** _no, he is fine, but this is related to him_

**Amelia:** _You can say it to me, I can help you._

**Meredith:** _should I call them?_

**Amelia:** _…_

**Amelia:** _Am I getting this right? We are talking about Derek and them?_

**Meredith:** _yes… i know they have their rights and he is their family, but at the same time…_

**Amelia:** _You are hurt, They said awful thing to you at the funeral._

Meredith knew it. She didn't want to see them again or talk to them, but Derek was also their family. They had rights to know that he is alive. But at the same time they blamed Meredith for Derek's death, even Carolyn. She didn't say that loud, but she also didn't stop her daughters from insulting Meredith.

Derek had not talked to his family for the past few years. The last time was when Nancy came to Seattle to visit Derek. She had asked him to come home, but he refused and said that he had a new life here and that he was happy. It was ten years ago. And Meredith had met them all for the first time last year at Derek's funeral.

If Meredith would be in Carolyn's place, she would want to know that her son is alive.

**Meredith:** _i would want to know_

**Meredith:** _if i was in their place, i would want to know_

**Amelia:** _Do you want me to call them?_

**Meredith:** _no, i will later_

**Amelia:**_ If you are sure. _

**Meredith**_: i am not, but it is the right thing to do. will you send me your mother's number? _

**Amelia:**_ Here. +1-631-000-9583 _(it's not a real phone number)

**Amelia:** _Have you called the hospital?_

**Meredith:** _yes, they know were are coming_

Meredith looked again at her husband. She couldn't take her eyes of him. It still didn't feel real. It was like she was dreaming and everthing was her fantasy.

When Amelia sent her a message, Meredith didn't look at it. She had put her phone in her jacket's pocket and was looking at her husband. She wanted to touch him, to lay next to him, but that was not possible. They were in a small ambulance with other three doctors, who were helping to deliver him to Grey Sloan.

"You are also a doctor?" Asked one of the male doctors. Meredith looked from her husband to him. He had blonde hair and blue eyes, also he wore glasses.

"Surgeon actually." She answered. "But for the past few months I am on a maternity leave."

"You have children?" Asked different doctor. This time it was a woman. She had darker skin, dark eyes and long, braided hair. She looked kind and beautiful.

"Four." Meredith smiled and looked at her. "Three boys and one girl."

"That's many." Answered male with glasses. "We were taking care of him for the past few months, but I could have never thought that he had so many kids."

"It isn't many." Meredith answered laughing. "When you get used to it, it's alright."

"See Xander you don't have to feel bad that your wife wants another child. This woman is taking care of four." Said woman.

"It's not that easy, Simone." He answered and looked at the other male in this small room. He had bald hair and light beard. "Say that to her."

"I won't say anything." He answered.

"Don't mind Xander and Will. They are always like this." Simone said to Meredith.

"Living with four children has taught me to ignore thing like this."

"We are here." Said the driver and opened his door to get out.

Meredith took a deep breath and took her bag in one hand.

"Are you afraid?" Asked Simone watching Meredith.

Meredith looked at Simone and wanted to tell something, but ambulance's doors opened and she saw them. She say Bailey, Richard, Owen, Maggie and a bunch of different nurses and doctors dressed in yellow. They were all waiting for them. When Meredith was getting out she saw Amelia, who came from the parking lot with Luke.

"I'm Simone Vatson, chief or Cardio ar Atlanta General." Simone said and shaked hands with Bailey.

"Miranda Bailey, chief of surgery at Grey Sloan." She answered and looked at Meredith. "We got him VIP ICU."

"Thank you, Miranda." Meredith answered and hugged her friend.

"Were we should take him?" Asked Xander and they all loked at him. She heard everyone gasp behind her, as they saw Derek lying in that bed. Xander and William had taken him out of ambulance.

"Dr. Webber and dr. Pierce will show you the way. Just follow them." Bailey answered, before Richard and Maggie started moving with Xandrer and William behind them rolling Derek, Simone and Owen following them with bunch of other doctors.

Bailey, Meredith, Amelia and Luke were the only one's, who have left behind.

"He is really alive." Miranda said to Meredith.

"He is." Meredith answered and made her way inside with them following her.


	7. No one will be able to replace Derek

**Hi :)**

**Three parts in one day! **

* * *

Meredith was listening what her colleagues and friends said about her husband's medical statuss. She was sitting next to him in a comfortable chair and was finally holding his hand. Amelia sat next to her and was also listening to people in this room. Luke was nowhere to be found.

Xander, Simone and William were explaining Derek's medical history and what they have done to him.

"We couldn't find a reason why he isn't waking up. We have made all examinations what we could do. Every week we did a new MRT and CT scan to his brain. There are brain activity, his internal organs are fine and his bones have healed." Xander said and gave Owen Derek's chart.

"His heart is perfecly fine, brain also. At first we thought that he could be brain dead, but then we found brain activity." Said William. "There are no tumours, brain bleeds or brain damages. There are no reason in his brain for him no to wake up."

"Then why he isn't waking up?" Asked Amelia. "Maybe we don't see something."

"We were thinking the same thing for the first two months. We did every exam more than once and they were all the same." Xander answered.

"How long he was with you?" Asked Owen.

"Eight months."

"And why you didn't bring him here faster?" Richard asked. He stood next to Miranda, who was standing next to Amelia.

"We didn't know his identity. We tried to look in missing people list, tried to use police, but it wasn't successful." Simone answered. She was looking at Meredith.

"Because he was already pronounced dead." She answered and stood up. "Do you know were he was the four months before you got him?"

"In some small medical centre outside Seattle. I don't remember it's name."

Meredith went to the window and stand next to it. She saw parking lot from here and park next to it. She saw houses and shops, she saw people walking around and cars driving.

"Then why no one recognized him before?" Asked Miranda.

"Because the man, who had died in the accident, was mistakenly recognized as Derek Shepherd. He had black hair and blue eyes, but his face was too burnt and he was next to your husband's car, so the police officers thought that he was your husband." Luke said. He had come in into the room, when everyone was talking and no one saw him. He stood next to Atlanta General doctor's and looked at Meredith, who was looking outside.

She was confused, angry and concerned. She was angry at herself that she recognized that man as Derek. She was confused, because there were too many things happening around her and they all needed her attention. Starting from her husband and ending with her job. In seven days her maternity leave is going to be over. She wasn't ready to leave her kids or Derek. She wanted to be with him every day and watch him get better.

Meredith had money. She had her money, her husband's money, what she got when he died, insurance money from Derek's death, montly incomes from her tenants, who lived in her mother's old house, and money, what her mother had left her. She had money, what the president had paid her after Derek's death. Something like compensation. Not to mention money from hospital, what she got every month as a salary for owning this hospital. She had more money than 99% on this hospital.

She wasn't proud to be rich, but at the same time it was an advantage, because she could pay for her husband's hospital expenses, buy thing for her children and dogs and she didn't need to worry that one day she would have to work in three jobs to maintain her family.

Meredith was a rich woman and there were no one in this hospital, who knew about it except Amelia. She was her best friend and person, she knew everyhing. Even Alex didn't know. And she wanted to keep it in a secret. People knew that she had money, but they didn't know how much.

"Where is Koracick, Bailey?" Owen asked.

"Koracick? As Tom Koracick?" Asked Amelia. She had stood up and was facing Bailey. "Seriously, Bailey?"

"He was the only one on this side of the coutry." She answered and looked at Meredith, who was still looking outside. She had hear Koracick name, she didn't like him, but there was no other choice. He was one of the best, but not _the best_. He will never be Derek.

"Amelia, he is our only choice. You know there are no other choices." Meredith said and looked at her sister-in-law. She saw anger in her eyes. "Derek, can't treat himself."

"I didn't say that." She defended herself. Meredith knew Amelia. She didn't want him to treat her brother, because she was looking for someone, who was like Derek. There was no one better than Derek on this world. He was the best.

"There are no one greater than Derek. You are trying to look for someone, who could reach your standarts – be Derek. You are looking for someone, who had done the impossible, but at the same time you know, that there are no one like Derek. No one will be able to replace Derek." Meredith said and came closer to the group of doctors. She took her husband's hand and squeezed it. "We will do everything to get him back."

"We won't let him die, Shepherd." Richard said and put hand on Amelia's shoulder. "Derek is one of us and we won't let him die. Even if we will have to overcome the mountains or swim all the oceans, we will bring him back."

"Dr. Bailey?" Asked the intern, who stood in the doorway of room. He was tall, had black hair and blue eyes, but Meredith didn't like him. There was something that made her to hate him. Maybe the fact that he was one big douchebag and an arrogant man. Meredith knew that he was sleeping with dr. Pierce and that made this intern to think that he was powerful.

Also she remembers the day after her daughter's birth, when he had flirted with her and offered inappropriate things.

"Yes, Deluca."

"Dr. Koracick is here." He answered.

"Send him up and go do my patient charts." Bailey answered.

But Deluca didn't move.

"What now, Deluca?"

"I was thinking – "

"No." Meredith said and everyone looked at her. "He is not going to work on my husband's case."

"You heard the lady, Deluca. Now go and do my charts or I will fire you!" Shouted Bailey. One last look at Meredith and he was gone.

"I hate that man." Meredith said and looked at Miranda. "If I will see him in the VIP floor, I will fire him. Am I clear?"

"Dr. Shepherd, I think that you are taking this too personal. Dr. Deluca is a smart intern – " Maggie tried to defend him, but Meredith cut her off.

"I am not making this personal, dr. Pierce. If you don't want to work on this case, you are free to go away. I won't let him near my husband or my family."

"I don't think that you can fire him. You are not the chief here."

"She can. Dr. Pierce, I recommend you to stay silent if you don't want to lose your job." Miranda answered and looked at both woman. Meredith was standing next to Derek with her hands crossed over her chest, while Maggie was standing on the other side.

Maggie didn't say anything. She stayed silent for the rest of the talk, where doctors talked about Derek and how to wake him up.


	8. This is it

It was eight in the morning when the docters left. Amelia had gone to the cafeteria, leaving Meredith with her husband alone. Surgeons from Atlanta General had gone back to Atlanta one hour ago, but before that Simone had talked to Meredith. Meredith promised to call her when he wakes up, and Simone promied to come and visit them then.

Meredith sat next to Derek's bed and took his hand in hers. She was doing it a lot.

"Der, it's me, Mer." She said and looked at his face. His eyes were closed and he had a tube in his throat. "I know that you can hear me and that's why I am talking to you."

She smiled and touched his hair. "Your hair is longer and you have some beard, but I love it. I love your grey hair, they look good and that means that you are alive… I still can't believe, you know." Meredith touched his face. "I am thinking this is just a dream and you are not here."

"But you are here, next to me. You are just sleeping in a very deep sleep and no one can wake you up, but… I promise you, Der, we will wake you up, because you have to live. You have to watch your kids grown up, see your little daughter's first steps and hear her first words. You have to take boys fish flying, because they love it. They need you… and… and I need you. You are my world, Derek. I can't live without you.. and I don't want to. If you die, I die."

Meredith stood up kissed his forehead. It was the first kiss in the past year.

"How is he?" Amelia came into the room. She was carrying two bags of food. "I got us something. I hope you like salad."

"Derek loves hospital's salad." Meredith smiled and took one bag from Amelia. "Thank you, Amy."

Amelia smiled and went to the table on the other sde of the room. It was made of dark oak and had five seats around it. Amelia sat down and watched her brother, while Meredith closed room's door and sat next to her.

"No changes." Meredith said and opened the salad, but she didn't want to eat.

Amelia, seeing Meredith's reaction, put her own fork down and said. "Meredith, you have to eat."

"I don't want to."

"But you have to. Please, Mer." Amelia asked. "You have to be strong, Meredith. He needs you and you kids need you. How are you going to be strong for them if you won't eat?"

Meredith didn't replay, but took her fork and started eating salad. After Amelia was sure that her sister was eating, she started eating her salad. When Meredith was finished, there was a knock on the door and soon into the room came Jo. She was carrying a bag.

"Good morning, Meredith and Amelia." She said and put the bag on one of the couches in the room and looked at Derek. She didn't know him that well, but she knew how much he meant to these woman.

"Hi, Jo. Thank you for watching them!" Meredith stood up and hugged her.

"I don't mind, Meredith… It it really him?"

She nodded and then saw the bag. "What's in there?"

Jo looked at bag and gave it to Meredith. "Alex thought that you and Amelia would need these things."

"Thank you, Wilson."Amelia said and continued to eat her breakfast.

"How are the kids?"

"Asking for their mommy." She said and looked at the clock on her wrist. "I have to be in a surgery in 15 minutes. See you later?"

Meredith nodded and Jo left, leaving them again alone. Meredith put the bag down and took out her phone. She had to do something before she calls Alex and asks him about her kids.

Calling Carolyn was scaring her. She didn't want to do it, but she had to. She had to say that Derek was alive. She wanted to be a good wife and daughter-in-law. This wouldn't change anything in their relationship, but this would change Carolyn's and the rest of Shepherd woman lives.

"I have to call her."

"I can do it if you want."Amelia answered and took the empty containers to throw them away.

"No, I have to do it." She said and left the room, closing door behing her.

* * *

Meredith stood in the emply VIP floor hallway and watched phone in her hands. She had to call her mother-in-law and say that her only son was alive. Meredith had to do it, she knew it.

Since the funeral, she had promised to herself that she would not see them again. Nancy's and Liz's words hurt her so much. Derek was her husband after all, the father of her children and the love of her life. If she didn't love him, she would have never married him. She chose to be with him, have kids with him and grow old with him. She _chose_ and that's the only thing that matters for her.

_"This is it."_ Meredith thought and called her mother-in-law. After five rings she answered.

"Hello." She heard Carolyn's voice.

"Hello, this is Meredith – Derek's wife." Meredith said. She was nervous and afraid, just like the last time when she had called her.

"Oh, Meredith." She answered, but Meredith could hear dislike in her voice.

"I need to talk to you. Do you have a few minutes?" Meredith tried to sound polite.

"I don't think it's the right moment now."

"It's about Derek, Carolyn."

There was a silence for a moment, before Carolyn spoke again.

"What is it?"

"Derek is alive." She simply said. Meredith had done it. She had said her mother-in-law that Derek was alive.

"This is very bad joke, Meredith. Are you drunk?"

"I'm not drinking, Carolyn." Meredith was offended. Did they all thought about Meredith this low? Did they think that Meredith was an alcoholic, who drank every day? No, she was the mother of four childer, whose husband had come back from death. Meredith was a woman, who was trying to rebuild her life and make decisions they may change her life. "He is really alive."

Carolyn didn't replay and Meredith started to talk again.

"He is alive, Carolyn. I know it's hard to belive, but he is. I am calling to tell you that he is alive. You can decide what you want to do, but my responsibility was to call you and inform you about him. It would be great if you could tell this to your daughters." Meredith said again. When Carolyn again didn't replay to her, she wanted to end the call, but then she heard her voice on the other side.

"You are not lying?"

"No, I am not, I don't have a reason to do it."

"Where is he?"

"In Seattle, Grey Sloan hospital."

"Can… can I go and see him?"

"You are his mother after all." Meredith answered. "…I know that feeling."

"I will see you soon… And Meredith?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for your call, this means a lot to me."

And with that their call ended.


	9. I was visiting someone special to me

"Bailey!" Shouted Meredith. She was on her way to home, but then she remembered about her maternity leave and that she needed to extend it, so she went to see Bailey. Hearing her name, Bailey turned around and stopped.

"Meredith, is everything alright?" She asked.

Meredith stood in front of her. "I want to talk to you about my maternity leave."

"Let's go to my office."

* * *

Meredith sat in front of her boss and looked outside. It was dark and the moon was in the sky.

"I am not ready to go back, Miranda." Meredith said and looked into her boss' eyes.

"You want to extend your maternity leave."

"Yes."

"Meredith – " Bailey started to talk, but Meredith stopped her.

"I know what you are going to say, but this ir my life and my choice. I want this. I am not ready to go back." She answered. Meredith knew that this talk won't be easy. She knew Bailey and she knew her beliefs. Bailey didn't like her choice to extend her maternity leave. Meredith saw it in her eyes.

"How long?" Was the only thing Bailey said to her. Meredith also knew that Bailey didn't have another choice but to let Meredith stay longer at home. It was her life after all. And above all of that, her husband was found alive and now she had more thing to worry about.

"'till Derek gets better. I don't know how long it will be."

Miranda signed. "It's your choice, Meredith, and I support it, but I would be happier if you would come back to work."

"I can't do it right now, Miranda. Not now, when Derek is alive." Meredith answered, but then her phone started ringing. She quickly said goodbye to Miranda and went outside.

"Meredith Shepherd." She answered.

"Hi, Meredith." Carolyn said. "Can you talk right now?"

"Yes, Carolyn." Meredith sat down in one of the hospital chair's and waited what her mother-in-law had to say. It was a miracle that she had called her, but at the same time last 24 hours had been a miracle.

"I'm sorry if I called you in the wrong moment. I can call you later."

"No, it's alright. I'm just tired, that's all."

"Oh… I booked the flight next morning. We will be in Seattle tomorrow's evening."

Hearing her say 'we' made Meredith shiver. All Shepherd woman from New York will fly to Seattle and she will have to see them. Meredith was already terrified to see Carolyn, but now when she will have to see Nancy, Liz and Kath, she was more terrified.

Seeing the rest of her sister-in-law made Meredith to feel scared. She was not ready to see them again. She didn't want to do it, but how she could say 'no' to her husband's family?

"Alright. Do you want me to get you from the airport?" Meredith was suprised about her words. She would have never said them before to her mother-in-law.

"No, we will find a way to the hospital." Carolyn said.

"Thank you for telling me this." Meredith said it from heart. This was one of the things that she really meant to say to her mother-in-law. After all she was just a woman, who had lost her child, but not get to know that he was alive.

"You don't have to thank me." Carolyn took a deep breath. "See you tomorrow, Meredith."

"See you."

* * *

It was past ten, when Meredith got home. Alex was sitting on the couch with Ellis in his hands. Max and Doc were again playing outside and her boys were playing on the floor. Hearing his mother's footsteps, Bailey looked up and saw Meredith. He quickly got up and ran to her shouting 'mommy and mommy is home!'. Meredith felt her youngest son's arms around her legs and soon after also Matt's and Chris' hands.

"Mommy, you are finally home!" Chris said and hugged harder her left leg.

"I missed you, mommy, so much!" Matt told to Meredith.

"Where were you, mommy? " Asked Bailey looking into his mom's eyes. They were in the same colour as his. Meredith smiled at her boys and kneeled down to hug them properly. She was happy to see them and was glad that they were alright. They were her little miracles, her meaning of life. She would do everything for them, even die.

Before Derek she never wanted to be a mother, but he changed it. He showed that kids are happiness and true joy, neverending love and miracle. They have changed Mer, her life and world. Without them or Derek she would be nothing.

"I was at the hospital." She smiled and looked into their eyes. "I was visiting someone."

"Aunt Bailey?" Asked Bailey and hugged his mother.

Meredith took a deep breath. "No, I was visiting…" She looked at Alex, who had stood up and was walking towards her. Ellis was in his arms wide awake and was hitting Alex's chest. "Someone special to me."

She didn't want to tell her kids about Derek, not before he woke up. Derek was their father and they loved him. Matt and Chris knew that daddy won't be coming home, that he was dead. They were smart kids and knew about death and what that meant. Telling them their dad was alive would change everything. They would want to see him, would say it to Bailey and he would also want to see his dad. Bailey was talking about him a lot and knew how he looked from pictures in their living room.

"Someone wants you." Alex said and pointed at Ellis. Meredith slowly stood up and took her daughter from his hands.

"Hi, sweetie!"She said and looked into Ellis'eyes. Ellis smiled at her mother and Meredith smiled back. She touched her cheek and looked at her boys. Twins were playing with their toys, but Bailey was standing next to her. Meredith took his small hand in hers and went to the kitchen.

"Why are you and your sibling are not sleeping?" Meredith asked to her son.

"We were waiting for you, mommy." Bailey answered and stood in front of his mother. "Can I get a cookie?"

Meredith laughed at his words, but gave him one chocolate cookie. "Here you go."

"Thank you, mommy!" He hugged Mer's leg and went to his brothers. Meredith smiled looking at her boys. They were happy and full with joy, not knowing that their father was alive and someday will wake up.

"How is he?" Asked Alex. Meredith turned around and looked into his dark eyes.

"We don't know why he isn't waking up. Doctors from Atlanta General and our doctors can't find a reason why he is in coma."

"He will wake up, Mer." Alex came over to her and put his hand around her shoulders. "He won't leave you alone again."

"I really hope." Meredith answered and felt the first tear on her cheek.

* * *

When Alex was gone, Ellis had already fell asleep and boys were walking around half asleep. She helped them to get into their beds and whished them goodnight. Bailey was the first one who fell asleep, and then Matt, but Chris didn't. He got out of his bed and went downstairs.

"Why are you not sleeping?" Meredith asked her son. She was standing in front of her bedroom's door wearing her pajamas.

"I couldn't sleep." He rubbed his eye and came closer to Meredith.

"Come here, honey." Meredith opened wider her bedroom door and allowed Chris to come in. He climbed into the bed and closed eyes. Meredith laid next to him and took her son in her arms. "Goodnight, Chris."

But she didn't get his replay, because Chris was already asleep next to her.


	10. Little green car

"Bailey, that's my car!" Shouted Matt.

"No, that's MY car!" Shouted Chris.

"NOOO! That's my car!" Shouted Bailey and soon she heard his footsteps getting closer. Meredith opened her eyes and sat up before Bailey came into the room crying. She instantly got out of bed and took him in her arms.

"What happened?" Meredith said rubbing his back.

"Th…ey… they… wanted to… take my c..ar…"He said between sobs. Bailey's head was on her shoulder and his arms around her neck. Meredith stood up and carried him to the living room, where twins were fighting over another toys. She was suprised that Ellis was still sleeping. She was always up when they fought.

"Boys!" She angry said. If they little sister was still sleeping, it didn't mean that they have to wake her up. Meredith already had one crying baby, she didn't want two of them.

Twins instantly stopped the fight and looked at their mother. Chris dropped the red car on the floor and Matt the yellow one.

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

Matt and Chris looked at each other and didn't say a word.

"Christopher, Matthew. Do I need to repeat myself twice?" She used they full names and it was working. They were scarred, because Derek had used them when boys were fighting or had done something bad. And since his 'dead' she was doing it.

"We were fighting – "

"Over some toys." Chris finished his brother's sentence and looked down. Matt did the same.

"And why your little brother ir crying?" Meredith said and wiped Bailey's tears.

"We wanted his car – " Chris started this time.

"Because it was green and – " Matt continued. "And dad gave it to him."

Meredith put Bailey down and crouched next to him. She took her son's hand in hers and looked at blue eyed boys in front of her. "You know how special it is to him, boys."

They didn't answer but continued to watch floor.

"Boys?"

"We are sorry, Bails." They both said in unison and looked at their yonger brother. He was still holding his little green car.

Meredith looked at them with one raised eyerbrow. Boys understood what she meant and gave Bailey a big hug.

"Are you alright now?" Meredith asked all of them. They all nodded and then she smiled. "Then go and play."

Matt took Bailey's hand and went after Chris, who was already gone.

"Mommy?" She heard Bailey say. "Can we go outside later?"

"I don't know. Mommy has to go back to the hospital today and you all are coming with me."

"To the hospital?" Matt asked.

Meredith nodded and wanted to go to the kitchen, but then she heard Ellis' cries. "You sister is up. I will go and get her."

Meredith left the boys alone in the living room and went to the nursery. It was next to her room. It had grey walls with white carped on the floor. She went to her daughter's bed and took her in her arms. Ellis almost instantly stopped crying.

"Good morning, honey!" She smiled at her daughter and put her on the changing table. "I will change you and then we will eat breakfast." She started changing her daughter. "And then we will go to the together – you, me and your brothers. I have to visit someone, so you all are going to stay with uncle Alex or aunt Arizona if they will be free. If they will be busy, then I will leave you in daycare." She kissed her daughter's naked tummy and saw her smile. Soon after she finished changing Ellis, Meredith went to the kitchen and made breakfast.

* * *

"Hi, Amy. We are on our way." Meredith said into the phone. She was waiting for Matt, who had gone to the bathroom. Ellis was in her free hand, Bailey was playing with Max and Chris with Doc.

"That's great. Kids are still going to be with Alex?" Amelia asked. She was still in hospital and was waiting for Meredith. Tom Koracick wanted to give Derek a head CT, but he needed Meredith's permission as she was Derek's wife. Last night Luke and Meredith had arranged all documents, so all decisions about Derek was in her arms. Also they officialy admitted that Derek was alive.

"No, Alex has surgery. Arizona is free to watch them…. Matt we have to go!"

"I'm coming, mom!" He said and ran out of the bathroom.

"Matt came. Will you meet us at the hospital?"

"Yes… shit! Owen is coming. I have to hide, bye Mer!"

Meredith laughed at her sister-in-law and followed Matt outside. She locked the door and went to her car. It was cherry red Audi Q7 with seven seats. She loved her car and it was perfect for her and the kids.

"Boys, let's go!" She shouted, after she put Ellis in her car seat. They fastly went inside, put the seat belts on and were waiting for Meredith. She said goodbye to Max and Doc and started the car.

* * *

"Meredith, you are finally here! Thank god!" Amelia said running to her. Meredith had arrived into the hospital and was getting the kids out, when she heard Amelia shouting.

"Could you help me to get twins out?" Meredith asked and helped Bailey to get out. "What happened?"

"They are driving me crazy!" Amelia shouted helping Chris to get out.

Meredith took Ellis out and put her bag on the shoulder. "Who? Did your mother came?"

Amelia looked at Meredith and said 'I'll tell you later' before she took Mer's bag from her shoulder and put it on hers. She took Bailey in her arms and took Chris hand.

"Matt, give me your hand." Meredith said to her son and followed them into the hospital. She was met by Arizona and Miranda. They stood next to each other and smiled.

"Hello!" Arizona said. "Guys, are you ready to come with me?"

"Yes!" Matt and Chris shouted together. That made all the woman laugh. Meredith gave Ellis to Arizona and Amelia put Bailey down before giving Arizona the bag with the kids stuff. He hugged his mother's leg and went after his brother's, who were already walking towards the elevator.

Arizona said goodbye to Meredith and Amelia and went after boys. On her way to the elevator, she met Callie and Sofia. Boys started jumping from seeing their friend.

"Shepherd, why did you run?" Miranda asked Amelia.

"You don't want to know." Amelia answered and looked into other direction, but it was unsuccessful. She saw Cristina and Owen kissing. Amelia fastly turned her head and looked at both woman. They were looking at her with confusing look. "It's just… they all are harassing me."

"Who?"

"Owen and Crisitina, Deluca and dr. Pierce... and Tom Koracick."

Meredith wanted to answer, but her phone's vibration stopped her. She took it out of her pocket and saw one text message from Carolyn.

**Carolyn:** _We are on our way._

Meredith sighed and started typing the answer, but Carolyn send her another message.

**Carolyn:** _We are ten minutes away from Seattle Grace._

Seeing Meredith's sudden expresion change, Amelia concerned asked. "What happened?"

"It looks like your mother and sisters will be here in less than ten minutes."She said and looked into her eyes.


	11. Meredith is made for Derek

Meredith was sitting next to her husband. Soon his mother and sisters would be here and their 'peaceful' days would be over. Derek was different from them. He was kind and friendly, never blamed others for something they have never done and always was together with people, who meant something to him. Amelia, Meredith and their kids. They were his world. He would do anything for them. But them were different. Meredith didn't know them well, but a few minutes at Derek's funeral were hell to her.

Amelia, who was standing next to Meredith, put her hand on Mer's shoulder. "We will be alright." She said and Meredith looked up. She met Amelia's blue eyes. "We will fight them together if we will need."

Meredith smiled and stood up. "I hope there won't be a need for it. I don't want to have a war with them. We are here for Derek."

"Dr. Shepherd's?" Called nurse from the doorway. Meredith looked at her and nodded. "Dr. Bailey asked me to say you that they are here. They will he here in about three or four minutes."

"Thank you, nurse Karen!" Answered Amelia and smiled at nurse. She left the room and closed the room.

"Amy – " Meredith started but Amelia stopped her.

"We will get through it. I'm doing this for all my life. Don't worry about them." Amelia tried to joke but it didn't work out. Meredith was afraid and scared. She didn't want to be here. She wanted to run away and hide, be with her kids and pray for Derek. He had to wake up, there was no other way.

"Meredith – "

There was a knock on the door and they both turned around. They save Bailey and behind her them – Carolyn, Nancy, Kathleen and Elizabeth. They were all looking at her.

"Can we come in?" She asked and Meredith nodded. She couldn't say anything. She was afraid and felt uncomfortable. Seeing her sisters and mother in law made her nervous and scared. And she remembers their words at the funeral. They hurt her.

Amelia and Meredith stood at the end of the room, allowing them to entry. They came inside and Bailey left them alone, closing the door after her. They were alone. All Shepherd woman were in the same room.

"Derek!" Meredith heard Carolyn say. Her hand flew to her mouth and she saw tears in her eyes. She was the first one of them who stepped closer to him. She took his hand and cried. Her son was lying there. His heart was beating and he was alive. Next to her stood Nancy and touched Derek's right leg. Liz went to the other side and touched his left hand, which now had his wedding ring on. Meredith had put it back after a long talk with Bailey and Owen. They were against it, but Meredith managed to persuade them.

Kath was the only who stayed back. She looked at her brother and then at her sister and sister-in-law. She took a step closer and came to stand in front of Amelia. She took her youngest sister in a hug.

"Amelia, I'm so sorry!" She said and touched her face. "I'm so sorry for being a bad sister and sister-in-law." She turned and looked at Meredith. Her brown eyes were soft and wet. "I'm so sorry Meredith! Please forgive me for everthing."

Meredith took her hand a squeezed it. "I'm so sorry for not defending you then. I was broken and – "

"It's alright." Meredith answered ans looked into her eyes. "It wasn't your fault and it's in the past."

Kath took Meredith in her arms and hugged. Meredith hugged her back and closed her eyes. She was happy. She was happy that at least another one of Shepherd sisters were nice and cared also for her. She was waiting for this moment for a long time and finally it came. She always wanted to feel loved in their family.

"Thank you, Kath." Meredith said with tears in her eyes. This meant a lot to her.

"Thank you, Meredith." She answered a wiped away her tear. Meredith smiled and Kath but then Mer's phone stopped the moment.

**Arizona R.:** _Ellis is crying, we can't stop her._

Meredith almost instantly dialected Arizona's number and called her.

"Mer, we are coming up. I'm so sorry – "

"It's alright. Is she sick?" Meredith asked and looked at Amelia, who was concerned.

"No. We don't know why she is crying."

Meredith opened the room's door and heard her daughter's cry. She put her phone down and ran to Arizona, who was carrying her. Arizona looked tired. Next to her was Alex wtth concerned expression. Meredith took Ellis in her arms, but she didn't stop crying.

"Ellis, honey, please don't cry! Mommy is here." Meredith caressed her small body and soon after she stopped crying. Meredith smiled and kissed her cheek. Ellis was asleep and her small fingers were wrapped around Meredith's index finger.

"You are a life saver, Mer." Alex said. "We tried to calm her down for ten minutes, tried to feed her, changed her diaper and more. She didn't stop crying."

"What's happening here?" Amelia asked and stood next to Kath. They both were looking at them.

"Ellis was crying and no one could stop her." Meredith answered. They both came closer and stood next to Meredith. Kath was looking at Ellis and smiled.

Meredith smiled back and said "This is your niece Ellis."

Kath touched Ellis little arm. "She is beautiful."

"Because she has our DNA." Amelia said and Meredith rolled her eyes. "She looks like Derek."

"I see that." Kath smiled and looked at Arizona and Alex. "I'm Katleen, Derek's sister."

"She is the good one." Added Amelia.

"I'm Alex, Mer's best friend." He said and shook hands with Kath. Arizona did the same.

"Arizona Robbins."

"Should we take her with us?" Alex asked.

"No, it will be alright. If she starts crying again, I want to be there." Meredith said and looked at her daughter.

Alex gave Amelia a bag with Ellis' stuff and left. Arizona followed him shortly after and promised to take care of boys.

"Boys? How many kids do you have?" Kath asked, as they went back to Derek's room.

"Four. Three boys and one girl."

"Three boys. Derek must me happy. He always wanted to have a son, now he was three and a little princess." Kath said and looked at Meredith. She was smiling.

"You don't have an idea. He loves them. When my OB told us about the twins – "

"Twins?"

"Matt and Chris. They are five and they are the little clones of Derek." Meredith said and laughed.

"I have to agree with Mer. They even share his personality. Let's say – Mer has three Derek's at home." Amelia added. She was walking next to Meredith and carring the bag.

"And then we have a two years old Bailey. Derek Bailey actually, but we call him Bailey."

"As that doctor?" Kath was suprised.

"She saved my life. I almost died."

"He should be in New York!" They heard Nancy shouting.

"No, Nancy. His place is here, in Seattle." Carolyn argued back.

"I'm with mom, Nance. He has a life here." Liz added.

"With her? Seriously? Do you really think – "

"We know. Meredith is made for Derek. You always saw him with Addison, because she is your best friend." Liz said when Meredith, Kath and Amelia came into the room. They suddenly stopped and looked at the child in Mer's arms.


	12. She is beautiful

Meredith was standing in front of Amelia and Kath with sleeping Ellis in her arms. Amelia was staying to her right and put a defending hand on her shoulder. Kath was standing on her other side. Nancy, Liz and Carolyn were looking at them. Nancy looked really angry and ready to threw something, Liz was suprised and so was Carolyn.

"What's going on?" Asked Kath and took a step closer to her mother.

"We were just arguing, that's all." Liz said and looked at Nancy. "You know Nancy."

"Nancy in Nancy. I don't know how you still can withstand her." Amelia came inside the room and put Ellis' bag next to other bags on the couch. Meredith was the only one who stayed in the place.

"Amelia Francis! Don't speak like that about your sister." Amelia ignored her mother and sat down.

"Can you all stop shouting? Meredith just got her to calm down." Amelia said and looked at Meredith. She was still standing there, but this time she was rocking Ellis. "Meredith?"

She looked up and they eyes were on her. " She started to whimper. Maybe I should go home."

"Please don't." Carolyn said and came closer. She stood in front of her daughter-in-law and her granddaughter. Carolyn looked down and smiled. "She is beautiful."

Meredith smiled and rocked Ellis a little bit. "It's not her day." And then she opened her eyes. Meredith took a deep breath as she saw her daughter's blue eyes and hoped that she won't cry. Ellis just stared at her mother and then at her grandmother. She was looking at her with interest. Carolyn smiled and touched her small hand.

Meredith smiled. She wasn't angry at Carolyn for what her daughters had done. She understand her. If one of her boys would die, she wouldn't be herself. She would be crying and shouting, saying bad things to others. It was her way of grieving. When her mother died, she was numb and said a lot of bad thing to others. She almost broke up with Derek, but he was the one who saved her from loneliness and made her to believe miracles again. When Lexie died, she cried for weeks. She was angry and hurt because another one close family member of her had died. One month later died Mark. He was her best friend. She shouted at her interns, made them work hard. That's why her new nickname was _medusa._

And when Derek died… She laid in her bed and cried. She cried and said nothing. For the first time she stayed mute. Meredith cried for days, didn't eat anything or speak to anyone. Boys tried to speek with her but it didn't work out. She put her fake smile on and spent time with them saying nothing. But her pregnancy changed it all. Meredith found out about another beating heart inside of her and she started to be herself for her kids. Matt, Chris and Bailey needed her and another little heart inside of her too.

"She has his eyes." Carolyn whispered and Meredith saw tears in her eyes.

"She has. Do… do you want to hold her?"

"Can I?" Meredith saw hope in her eyes. She carefully put Ellis in her arms.

"Hi, little one. I'm your grandma." Carolyn looked at Meredith. "What's her name?"

"Ellis." Meredith said and smiled. Her daughter had a grandmother... and soon she will have her dad.

"It's a beautiful name." She said and stepped inside the room. Liz and Nancy almost immediately took a step closer to Carolyn. They wanted to look at their niece. They had heard what their mother had said.

"I named her after my mother."

"You and Derek have named everyone of your kids after someone." Amelia added. Meredith rolled her eyes at her sister-in-law. Amelia always knew how to break a moment.

"You have more children?" Liz asked and looked at Meredith, who now stood next to Derek.

"Three boys." Meredith smiled. "Matthew after Derek's dad."She looked at her sleeping husband and took his arm. It was soft and fit perfectly with hers. "Christopher after Derek and Derek Bailey after Derek and dr. Miranda Bailey."

"Why after her?" Nancy asked in her cold tone. Meredith looked into her cold brown eyes.

"Because she saved my life. I almost died giving birth to Bailey." She said and looked at Amelia, who was texing someone.

"Can I hold her?" She heard Liz asking. Meredith nodded and saw her taking Ellis. Ellis was still up and was looking at her other aunt. Liz smiled and then looked at Meredith. "I'm sorry Meredith, I know I said awful things to you at Derek's funeral and I'm not proud of it. I was hurt and I missed my brother. You know… we lost our dad. We lost Mark and then we lost Derek. We lost them... I lost them and it broke me."

Meredith stepped closer to her.

"I didn't speak with my brother for nine years. Every day I had phone in my hand… and I was ready to call him, but then we got your call and he was dead. I was too late. I was blaming myself for not calling him, for being a coward. And all my pain and blame I put on you. It was easier for me to blame someone else other than me." Liz looked in her eyes and saw Meredith crying. Meredith was letting her pain go away. She was ready to forgive Liz because she knew that feeling. Meredith also had lost a lot of people in her life and there was time when she blamed eveyone for that. She blamed Derek for letting her mother to die. She blamed Owen for putting them in that stupid plane. She blamed Richard for killing Mark and she blamed the President for killing Derek. She blamed them all once, but that was in the past. Meredith understood that it's not their fault and acquiesce their death. That wasn't their fault and she knew it.

Meredith took a step closer to Liz and wiped her tears before took her into a hug. She was careful not to squeeze her daughter. "Thank you, Liz! This means a lot to me."

Meredith saw Liz's cheek getting wet. She was also crying. They both were crying in the middle of this room, which was full of _ALL_ Shepherd woman.


	13. This was her family

**Hello, Merry Christmas! I wanted to write some Christmas stories about Meredith and Derek, so what do you think about that idea? Would you like to read a short Christmas story or stories about MerDer? If yes, I would love to write them :)**

* * *

"We will take him to CT." Tom Koracick said and gave Meredith papers. She had to sign them or her husband won't get a CT. Meredith fastly signed them and gave back to Tom.

"What intern are you taking?" Amelia asked. She was standing next to Meredith with hands crossed over her chest.

"I was thinking about Edvards, but she at Robbins' service." He said and looked at Derek. He was being wheeled out by nurses. "Then there is Wilson and Deluca."

"Wilson." Meredith said.

"Alright. I heard about your argument with Deluca."

"If we can call it an argument." She rollled her eyes and looked at her mother-in-law. She was feeding Ellis. "We have different opinions about things."

Koracick nodded. "I will take him to the third floor. After that I would like him to have a MRT."

"I will go with you." Amelia announced and turned at Meredith. "Will you be alright?"

"Yes."

"Then we will go." Koracick said and left the room. Amelia followed him.

Meredith turned around and went to Carolyn and Liz. They were sitting on the couch and babysitting Ellis. Nancy had gone to eat lunch and Kath went to explore the hospital.

"How is she?"

"Calm." Carolyn answered and finished feeding her. "Do you want to take her?"

"No, it's alright." Meredith touched her head and adjusted her white cap. "She likes to be in a center of attention."

Liz laughed and Carolyn smiled at her statement. It only showed that she was truly her father's daughters. Derek always wanted to be in a center of attention. He loved when people talked about him, when he was recognized everywhere. Derek and his big ego. These things couldn't be separated.

"Do you have any pictures of the boys?" Liz asked. In the last hour they had talked a lot and Meredith had forgiven her. Her husband's sister was kind and friendly, loves to joke and talks a lot. More than Derek or Amelia.

Meredith took out her phone to look for pictures, but she had a better idea. "What are you saying about meeting them?"

"Are you sure?" Carolyn said and looked at Meredith. "We don't want to – "

"They are your grandchild," She said to Carolyn. "And your nephews. I would like you to meet them." She looked at sleeping Ellis and then at both woman. "I don't have any family members. My mom and sister are dead, my father left when I was five. Derek, Amelia, Alex and kids are my only family."

"Now you have us." Carolyn squeezed her hand smiled. "We will always be with you."

"Thank you." She squeezed Liz's hand. "Both of you."

"You are our family, Meredith." Liz added and stood up. "Can we go now? I want to meet my nephews!"

Meredith and Carolyn laughed. Meredith stood up and took Ellis from her grandmother's arms. They left the room and closed the door behind them. When they were going through hallway they met Nancy and Kathleen. They were talking.

"Kath, Nancy." Liz said and both woman looked at them.

"Were are you going?"

"To meed the boys. Are you coming?" Carolyn asked and then looked at Meredith. "If that is possible."

"It is. I will call Arizona and ask her to bring them to my old office." Meredith took out her phone and started to look for Arizonas phone number when Nancy stopped her.

"Old office?" Nancy asked. Her look made Meredith feel unforcomfortable.

"I've been on maternity leave for months. The office is still mine and no one is using it." Meredith explained and called Arizona.

"Hi, Meredith. How is Ellis?" She could hear her boys in the background. Matt was shouting, Chris was singing and Bailey was asking if she was talking to his mommy.

"Right now she is sleeping, haven't cried for some time now."

"That's good. Me and Alex had a talk about Deluca and Pierce"

Meredith looked confused. "What about them?"

"Mer… we heard something… I don't know if you want to hear it."

"Arizona, tell me it all." Meredith said with stern voice. If something was happening, she needed to know it. Kath seeing Meredith getting uncomfortable took Ellis out of her hands and started to carry her. Meredith smiled and continued to lead them to her office.

"Can we speak about that eye to eye?"

"Of course. Can you meet me in my office in a few minutes? And, please, bring boys with you." Meredith stopped in front of her office and took out a key from her pocket. She unlocked the door and let them inside.

"Meredith, I don't think that boys should hear it."

"They will stay with Derek's family. Don't worry about it." Meredith said and closed the door to her office. She looked around. Nothing had changed. The walls still were light green, the doors of her personal bathroom were open and windows showed a good view of the city. In the middle of room, next to windows were two tables. Her table was against the windows. It was made from a white oak, contained some of her old stuff – pencils, books and two pictures. One was from her wedding. She was standing next to Derek and looking at him, while Derek was saying something to her. Her hands were around his waist and his around hers. They both looked young and in love.

The second picture was with her boys. Bailey was a few days old, laying in her arms, while twins were sitting on the each side of her and watching their little brother. Derek was the one, who took this picture.

The other table was her husbands. It was right in front of hers, the tables were touching. It was made from a dark oak and was empty. On it was only his white coat and his ferryboat scrub cap. Meredith used to wear it after his dead. Sometimes she imaginated his sitting there and smiling at her.

Next to her bathroom were bookshelves full with books, documents and old patient cards, notebooks. There were some of her and Derek's diplomas and awards, which she had left there. She thought that they place were in here.

And the last thing in this room was two white couches. They were against the fourth wall, facing the tables and bathroom door.

Meredith loved this office and that's why she kept it. It meant a lot to her. And she was the only one, who had the key of this office.

"Call me when you are outside, alright?"

"I will. See you in a bit." Arizona said and ended the call.

Meredith put her phone in her pocket and looked about. She saw Liz and Kath standing next to her table and watching pictures. Nancy was standing and looking at Derek's awards and Carolyn was touching Derek's scrub cap. She took a step closer and touched Carolyn's shoulder. Carolyn looked at her daughter-in-law and smiled. Meredith smiled back. This was her family.


	14. I don't care

"Mommy!" Meredith heard Bailey shouting. He was running towards her. Behind him were Matt and Chris who were talking about something, and behind them was Arizona, who carried a folder into her arms.

Meredith opened her arms and hugged Bailey. If Matt and Chris were daddy's boys, than Bailey was mommy's boys. He always wanted to go with Meredith, wanted to be with her. Bailey was her little boy.

"Hi, Bailey, how was your day?"

"I was playing with Matt and then with Chris. Then I ate chocolate and then…" He took a deep breath and continued. "Then I played with Matt. We were playing with cars. And then we played doctors."

"You did?" Meredith smiled and touched his blonde hair.

"I was operating brain, just like daddy!" Chris shouted.

"And I was operating his face." Matt said and jumped.

"I was you, mommy." Bailey said and kissed Meredith's cheek.

"They were busy saving they patient that forgot to eat their lunch." Arizona said as Meredith stood up. She took Bailey's arm.

"Are you hungry boys?"

"No!"

"No!"

"Yes!" Chris shouted. Then he saw Alex who was eating donuts, and ran to him. "Uncle Alex, can you give me one donut? Please!"

Alex smiled and started talking to Matt about sweets. Meredith smiled about them and returned her attention to Arizona.

"I will get them inside to meet Derek's family and then we will talk."

Arizona nodded and at the same time Matt came back holding donut. "Uncle Alex gave it to me."

"Young man, your sugar level is going to rise up." Arizona said and patted his shoulder.

She looked at Meredith and they both smiled. "I don't care. This donut is far more important than my sugar level."

"What did you say?" Meredith was left surprised. Matt never talked back to her. He was only five but started to act like Meredith when she was older.

"Nothing, mom. I'm sorry." He said and looked down. "I will listen to uncle Alex less."

"Maybe you should." Meredith answered. "Are you boys ready to meet your grandmother and aunts?"

"We have grandmother?" Asked Chris.

"And more aunts?" Asked Matt and looked at his brother. Matt was too surprised, so Chris got a chance to eat a half of his vanilla donut. "Ah! That's my donut!"

"You have to share with your brother's, Matt."

"But I wanted to eat! I didn't eat lunch." He looked sad and angry at the same time.

"Next time I will make sure that you eat your lunch." Arizona said and apologizing looked at Meredith. She mutted 'I'm sorry' to Meredith.

"I will buy you all something later."

"I want pizza, mommy." Bailey said and squeezed his mother's hand.

"I want mac and cheese!" Matt shouted and ate the rest of his donut.

"And I want icecream!." Chris said and hugged Mer's leg. He always did that when wanted something from her. Meredith sighed and looked at them.

"I will make vegetables with meat today, no exception. You have to eat them or you won't grow up." She frightened her children. They didn't love to eat vegetables and there was no other way how to make boys to eat them. When Derek was alive they somehow ate them, because dinner with Derek was filled with joy and laughter. He always told them about his day and patients, played with kids and told them stories about princes and their loved ones.

"Ew…" Bailey said and looked at his mother in horror. "I don't want to eat veggies!"

"Bails, we don't have a choice." Chris said and looked at his brother. "We don't want to be little for the rest of our lives."

"Still no." He said and looked at his mother. "Please, mommy!"

"No, Bailey."

"But mommy – " He was close to tears. Meredith took him in her arms and stroked his little back.

"I want you to be strong and grow up."

"Just like daddy?"

"Just like daddy." She said and looked down. Twins were looking at her with their big eyes. They were the only ones of the kids who remembers him. They were old enough. Bailey was only a year old when Derek left and Ellis… Meredith didn't know she was pregnant.

"Let's go inside. I want you to meet them." She turned back at twins. "And don't make a big noise. Your sister is sleeping."

"Ellis is there?" Matt asked and touched his red t-shirt. He looked nervous.

"Yes, and please behave. We don't want them to think that you are spoiled, do we?"

"No." Chris took his brother's hand and looked at his mother. His green eyes looked at her with hope and fear.

"Then let's go." She said and opened the door. She went inside and boys followed her. Chris was holding Matt's hand and Bailey was hugging his mother. Meredith put Bailey down and smiled at Arizona, who was closing the door.

"Boys," Meredith said and looked at Carolyn who was standing next to her table. "This is your grandmother Carolyn." Then she looked at Nancy and Liz, who were sitting on the couch. "These are your aunts – Nancy and Liz. And – " She looked at Kath who was holding Ellis. "That is your aunt Kath."

Matthew was the first one to speak. "Hi, I'm Matt." He said and went to Kath. "Is she sleeping?" He asked about Ellis. Meredith was surprised again about his actions. Matt was really protective about his little sister, but Chris was also.

"I'm Chris. Are you holding her right?" He said and stood next to Matt.

"Boys – " Meredith tried to stop them.

"Don't worry, Meredith. They are just protective about Ellis that's all." Liz smiled and looked at boys. "Yes, I am. I won't let her fall."

"You better not." Matt said and Meredith heard Carolyn laughing.

"Derek was the same when Amelia was little. He was always around her, always said how to hold her right and that we should not to hug her hard."

"I remember that. Once I wanted to feed her, but he shouted at me." Nancy said and smiled. Meredith saw her smile for the first time.

"But he was older. Twelve." Carolyn added and looked at her youngest grandson. "And you must be Bailey."

He nodded and took step closer to her. "Hello."

"Hi, Bailey. I'm your grandma."

"Grandma?" He looked at Meredith. Bailey was surprised. "Is she your mommy?"

"No. She is daddy's mom."

"Daddy's?"

"Yes. Your dad is my son." Carolyn said and smiled at Bailey. Meredith saw tears in her eyes and she was too on the edge of crying. She had never imaginated a moment like this. She got pregnant with twins six years ago. Since then it's been only them – Meredith and Derek. No one other of their relatives were present in their childer lives. Of course, there was Alex and Callie, Mark and Lexie before… but that was different. They were her family but at the same weren't.

She was alone all her life. Ellis was always working, Thatcher had left when she was five, and no one wanted her. She was always alone, but then Derek came and changed it. He was her family and always will be. Derek and their kids are her family, her real family, who loved her.

* * *

**Hi!**

**Yes, Meredith knows how to cook. After Derek's death she needed to feed her children so she learned how to cook**.


	15. Two million dollars

Meredith was standing in front of Arizona and waiting. Arizona had to say something to Meredith about Derek and two of hospital doctor's – Maggie Pierce and Andrew Deluca. They both were bad news and that worried Meredith the most. And this thing involved her husband.

Derek is Meredith's priority right now and she is ready to do everything to save him. She had lost him once and is not ready to lose him again.

"This thing is too important to talk about it there." Arizona looked around and Meredith understand what she meant. There were too many ears. Meredith nodded and followed Arizona into an empty conference room.

Arizona sat down on the chair and Meredith did the same.

"Yesterday I hear Pierce and Deluca talking." Arizona started and crossed her arms. She looked nervous and scared. "And… things are not great."

"What do you mean by that?"

Arizona looked down and opened a folder that contained some papers. She took out one and gave it to Meredith. "Arizona, what is this?" She was looking at it and didn't understand anything.

"I found it in Pierce's office."

Meredith was shocked. Arizona would never break into other attending's office and steal stuff. She was the most loyal and innocent person in this world. Arizona was too cute to be a badass.

Meredith looked back at the paper in her hands. It looked like a bank account statement. Whose it was? Meredith looked closer. "Margaret Pierce. This is her bank account -"

"Statement. Yes." Arizona took a deep breath and pointed at something in it. "Do you see the money's amount that she got on the day when Derek was pronounced dead?"

"Two million dollars."

"And from who?" Arizona pointed at something different. "Does that name sounds familiar to you?"

"Raimond Trevis." Meredith read loud. "Raimond Trevis. I know I have heard it before."

Arizona took out two pictures of a man and gave them to Meredith. "I couldn't remember him also, so I looked for him."

"That's one of his collagues in D.C." Meredith replied in shock and put the pictures down. What this all meant? She looked into Arizona's blue eyes and answered in afraid voice. "What this all mean, Arizona?"

"If I'm right…" She took a deep breath. "They tried to kill Derek that day."

"No…" Meredith stood up. "That's not possible! Why she – "

Arizona interupted her. "Because Derek was working with the president. That was Trevis dream job. He had once mentioned it to Callie, when she and Derek were in Washington. That was before Derek started working with the president. Can you imagine how devastated was Trevis? That was his dream job and he had been working for it his whole life. Then Derek came – "

"And took it from him." Meredith finished and looked at Arizona. "How do you know it all?"

Arizona took out the last paper from her folder and gave it to Meredith. "Yesterday I heard they conversation. I wrote down everything I heard. After Maggie and Deluca had left the hospital I with the help of Callie got into her office - "

"Callie?"

"She knows how to unlock the doors."

Meredith sat down and started reading the paper.

_27.04.2016._

\- _What we are supposed to do? (Deluca)_

\- _I don't know. (Maggie)_

\- _How you can not to know! What – (Deluca)_

\- _Shhh! Do you want them to know what we did? (Maggie)_

\- _But he was supposed to be dead! (Deluca)_

\- _I know. We have to do something about it. He won't be happy to hear about this. (Maggie)_

\- _So we should kill him? (Deluca)_

\- _There is no other choice. Do you want to go to jail? Because I don't! (Maggie)_

\- _Derek has to leave this world. We have to put the end of it. And then we will leave with our two millions. (Deluca)_

\- _We will buy a house near the ocean. (Maggie)_

\- _And lay in the sand everyday for the rest of our lives. I just hope that we won't have to work anymore. You know… two millions can end pretty fast. (Deluca)_

\- _That's why we will blackmail Trevis. He will pay us every month 200 000 dollars and we will be peacefully living in Panama or Cuba. (Maggie)_

\- _But first we have to kill Derek Shepherd. (Deluca)_

Meredith put the paper down and put hands over her eyes. This was too much for her. Someone wanted to kill her husband and it was her sister. They may be related by blood, but Maggie will never be her sister. She had tried to kill her husband before and will do it again if Meredith won't stop them.

"Derek is going to die..." She whispered and let the tears fall. Her husband is going to leave her again and this time forever. Meredith let her tears fall. She wasn't ready to lose Derek again. He is her love of the life. Derek is her world.

As she started sobbing, she felt Arizona hugging her. "We will call detective Green and tell him about this." She took Meredith's face in her hands and looked into her eyes. "Derek is not going to die. Do you understand? He will live."

"Arizona – "

"Meredith, we won't let him die." Arizona took out Meredith's phone from her pocket and gave it to her. "We have to call the detective. Will you do it or I should?"

"I…I… can't do it. Derek… he…" Meredith said between sobs and stood up. She needed to see her husband. She needed to be sure that he was alright. Meredith needed to be with him.

"Meredith, sit down."

"I have to see him, Arizona!" She tried to get out of the room, but Arizona caught her and put her hands around Meredith.

"Calm down, Meredith. In this state you won't be able to help him."

"Arizona, please – "

"You have to calm down first. Derek needs you, but how you are going to help him in this state?"

Meredith didn't replay. After some time when she had calmed down, Arizona released her. "We will help him, Meredith, but first we have to call Luke." She gave Meredith her phone. "Do you want me to do it still?"

"No." Meredith took a deep breath and unlocked her phone.

"Hello?"

"Can I talk to detective Luke Green?" Meredith asked and sat down. Arizona sat down next to her and took her hand in hers.

"Meredith, is that you? Is everything alright?" Luke sounded surprised to hear her voice.

"No." She took a deep breath and looked at the papers in front of her. "Are you still in Seattle?"

"Right now I'm in the airport. What is happening, Meredith?"

"Someone is trying to kill my husband." Meredith said. "And we know who it is."


	16. You have to see this

**Hello :)**

**I'm really sorry for not posting a new chapter! If I was saying that it was school's fault, then I would be lying. There was also my fault. The last month had been hard for me. There was a time when I felt depressed and didn't want to do anyting. Then above it all I had problems in school. [again school :(] I have been trying to manage my life between school, home and other things. I know that doesn't justify my absence in this portal :(**

**I will try to write more when I have free time, because I love it. I can't imagine my life without it, even if I can't write as much as I want.**

**And now let's stop with this author's message and let's go to the reading part ;)**

* * *

"We can't find them." Carl, the head of security in Grey Sloan, said.

"We tried to page them – "

"And we called Dr. Pierce and Dr. Deluca."

"I will sent police to their flats. I hope it's not too late." Luke announced and took out his phone. Meredith was glad that he had stayed in Seattle. He was the one, who brought Derek home, Meredith trusted him.

"And whay if they are alredy gone?" Amelia asked. She was standing next to Meredith. They both and Arizona were present in this converstion. Arizona was the only one witness they had and Meredith and Amelia were Derek's relatives.

"Then we will think." He said and turned his attention to Bailey. "Since this moment we need trusted staff, who you and Meredith," He looked at her and then back at Bailey. "trust. We are speaking about his life, so only most trusted surgeons, nurses and doctors."

"I will make the list." Meredith insisted and they all nodded.

"And we need guards. If we can't close the VIP floor, then we need guards outside his room."

"The VIP floor is empty, Derek is the only one there." Bailey said and looked at Owen. "Am I sure?"

"Yes, Dr. Bailey, and I will make sure that no one other is there."

"Where is now Derek?" Luke asked and looked at Meredith. They all were standing in the conference room where Arizona and Meredith had been before. Through the windows Meredith saw a CT room and pointed there. "He is having a CT with Dr. Koracick."

"Can we trust him?"

Meredith looked at Amelia and Bailey. They all nodded and Meredith answered him. "We have to. There is no other neurosurgeon, who could help him and who we trust with Derek's life."

There was a knock on the door and Owen opened them. One of nurses was standing there.

"Nurse Tea, how we can help you?"

"This came today for Dr. Margaret Pierce. We assume you would want it." She handed Owen the letter. It was small and in yellow colour.

"Who sent it?"

"We don't know, there are no other name on it."

"Thank you, Tea, you can go." Owen closed the door and give the letter to Luke. He opened it and started to read it loud.

_Dear Dr. Pierce,_

_I have heard some news. Is it true? If yes, please do your job until the end or you will be dead. I give you 48 hours to finish your work._

_ROT_

"Oh my god," Meredith whispered and sat down. Forty eight hours. That's how long Derek is supposted to life. She closed her eyes and soon after there was another knock on the door. Owen again opened them.

"Nurse Tea." He said and stepped to the side. In Tea's hands were red box. "What's this?"

"This is for Dr. Shepherd." She said and stepped inside the room.

"To which Dr. Shepherd?" Luke asked. He has stepped closer to Tea.

"Meredith. Meredith Shepherd." Meredith stood up in fear. What this all meant? She took out the box from Tea's hands and put it down on the table.

_Dr. Meredith Shepherd_

_Chief of General surgery_

Was written on it. Meredith wanted to open it, but Luke stopped her.

"Let me do it, Meredith. We don't know what's inside." He said and slowly opened the box. "There is a letter for you." He said and gave a letter to Meredith.

She took it with her trembling arms and opened the red envelope.

_Mrs. Meredith Shepherd,_

_I have a little present for you and your family. I hope you will like it and don't forget to show it to your children. Boys will love it._

_ROT_

She put the letter down and looked insite the box.

"Oh my god!" She heard Amelia say, as she took about a toy ferryboat. It was light blue, without any cars or people figures on it. "Is this…"

"A ferryboat." Meredith said and put in on the table.

"Why he would sent a toy ferryboat?" Luke asked. He was the only one in this company who didn't know about Derek's love to ferryboats.

"Derek loves ferryboats. He has a scrub cap with them." Meredith explained.

"Is this a threat?" Owen asked. He had been in army for years so he knew what this all meant. Even if between him and Amelia everything had ended, he still cared about Derek and for Amelia. Derek was his best friend and Amelia… he doesn't know. Things were difficult between them.

"We have to assume it as yes." Luke said and looked at Amelia. "How long we still have left until the end of Derek's CT?"

"It should be ending anytime now. I will go and look." Amelia squeezed Meredith's shoulder and left the room.

"Is there something we need to talk about or I can leave? I have surgery in 10." Arizona said.

"We wil call you later to get your testimony."

"Thank you, detective." She came closer to Meredith. "Call me if you need me."

"I will. Thank you, Arizona." Meredith hugged her. "Without you…"

Arizona sadly smiled and left the room. Soon after everyone left the room, leaving Meredith with Bailey and Luke.

"I will take these to the police station." He said and collected the lettters and the ferryboat toy. "I will stay in Seattle until the end of this."

Meredith nodded. "I will send you later my list of doctors."

"I will wait. I have provided Derek's room and floor with security goards. Two of them will accompany Derek and doctors everytime they go somewhere. We would like for you and your family to have guards also. We don't know they plans."

"Of course." Meredith said.

"And we would like if you could take Derek's sisters and mother with you. It would be easier for cops to protect you all if you were all together."

"Isn't it more dangerous?" Meredith asked. "I've heard – "

"Meredith, I have thought about it. Your house is outside the city, in the woods. There is only one road going there. It would be easy for us to guard you all there."

"Would you be with us?"

"No. I will stay with your husband. I will protect him."

"Meredith?" They heard Amelia say. She was standing in the doorway. She looked nervous. "You have to see this."

Meredith didn't think. She started to run towards radiology room, where was sitting Koracick and watching Derek's scans.


	17. You are the wonderwoman, Meredith

"Is he alright?" Meredith came inside the room running and out off breath. Her blonde locks were in a mess, under her green eyes were bags and she was scared.

"Easy, Shepherd! There is no fire in this building or this room." Koracick said and smirkned. He turned in his chair and looked at Meredith. "You look like a crap, Shepherd."

"I feel like a crap." She stood next to him. "May I?" She asked and pointed at the scans.

"I already looked at them, but you can see them yourself." He moved his chair and let Meredith see the scans.

His brain looked normal, no brain bleed or damages. But then she looked closer and saw a small tumour in his occipital lobe. It wasn't bigger than three centimetres, but you could see it if you knew where to look. Meredith had been in Neuro for four years and wanted to be neurosurgeon, but fight with Derek changed it all. Because of her his alzheimer trial had ended, she had been fired and Derek had left for few days. It was a hard time for them but Meredith and Derek got over it and were happy until his dead.

D.C. and president made things hard for them again. Derek had to leave every week and he spent more time in D.C. than in Seattle. Boys were growing up and he was missing them. Meredith missed her husband and Derek missed his wife. They couldn't live without each other and they family. When Derek wanted to quit the job with president and come back home, he was hit by the semi truck and was pronounced dead.

"It's a tumour." Meredith pointed and looked at her husband through the window. "He has a brain tumour."

"I thought you wouldn't see it. It's too small and even some neurosurgeons wouldn't be able to find it." Koracick was suprised.

"I was in neuro for four years. I wanted to specialize in it."

"Seriously? What happened?" Koracick asked with interest. He had never heard about this. Meredith was excellent in general and that meant she would be excellent in neuro too.

"It doesn't matter."

"I'm curious, Shepherd." He smiled and Meredith rolled her eyes. Tom Koracick was a jerk.

"Let's talk about Derek. I assume you are going to operate." Meredith said.

"Yes. I would like to operate as soon as possible."

"Meredith?" She turned around and saw Luke with concern in his eyes.

"What?"

"We have problems."

* * *

"What do you mean by that?" Liz asked. All Shepherd sisters, Carolyn and Meredith were in the same room and listening to Luke. Meredith had decided that they needed to know about the situation in the hospital.

"Derek's life in a danger." Luke said. "We found evidence that someone wanted to kill him and we assume that they won't stop until Derek's is dead."

"Oh my god! Are this for real?" Nancy said and stood up. "Why someone wants to kill him?"

"Because Derek got job with the President. There was another doctor, who wanted it more than Derek, but didn't get it." Meredith said.

"Are they still free?" Carolyn said and squeezed Kath's hand.

"Yes, we are – "

"Why the hell they are out there?" Nancy shouted. "You aren't doing your job!"

"Nancy, please, calm down!" Carolyn tried to calm her down. "They are doing what they can."

"I don't care! Someone wants to kill my brother, and you want me to sit and watch it?"

"We can't do anything." Amelia said. "Luke is doing his job."

"Do you know, who wants to kill him?"

"Yes. We are trying to find these persons."

"You are doing it wrong!" Nancy stood up. She turned her head and looked at Meredith. "Do you know who they are?"

Meredith didn't replay.

"You know."

"They are doing everything to catch them." Meredith answered. She opened her mounth to say more but Kath talked first.

"Let's not get into a fight. Luke and police are doing everything to catch them. We should focus on Derek and how to help him. We want him to wake up, don't we?"

The room was silent for the next few seconds.

"Derek has a brain tumour." Amelia started.

"Tomorrow they are going to operate and take it out." Meredith continued and looked around. "There are a big chance that he will wake up."

"Are you sure?" Asked Liz. She was now standing close to Meredith.

Meredith nodded. "We saw the tumour. It's small and almost unvisible, but it's there."

"How much dangerous it is?" Carolyn came closer and stood next to Liz.

"One wrong move and he will die or wake up with brain damage." She stopped and looked at her rings. "Or never wake up again."

"Then let's hope for the best." Luke said and smiled at Meredith. "But before his surgery I need to know some things."

"What exaclty, detective?"

"Can we speak in more private place?"

"Yes, of course." Meredith nodded and followed him outside. "We can go to my office."

* * *

Meredith had just closed the door to her house. It was late, almost eleven at night. She quetly took of her shoes and went upstairs.

The kids and Amelia had gone home at seven, leaving Meredith alone. She had wanted to sit with Derek before his surgery tomorrow. Carolyn and the rest of Derek's sisters left shortly after Amelia to her house. Meredith said that they all could fit into her house and they had agreed. They only needed to take their stuff from the hotel. The two guards were sent with them too. Meredith had seen their car outside.

She quietly knocked at Amelia's door. "Amelia?"

"Mer, you can come in." She heard from other side. She opened the door and saw Amelia sitting on the bed with sleeping Liz in it.

"Did you manage to get everyone a bed?"

"Kind of." She stood up. "Boys are asleep in your bed." Amelia smiled and looked at Liz. " Liz will be sleeping with me. Mom is sleeping in the guest room, Nancy in the office on the couch and Kath on the mattress in that room."

"And the guards?"

"I made them a place on the couch dowstairs."

"I didn't see them." Meredith nodder her head and went outside the room. Amelia followed her.

"They went to look around about ten minutes ago. We talked and I gave them today's breakfast to eat."

Meredith smiled. "And my little girl? Was she a trouble?"

Amelia laughed and put her hand on Meredith's. "No. She was sleeping all the time coming home. Two hours ago she woke up and I fed her, but then she didn't want to fall asleep so I moved her to your room too."

"So I won't be sleeping alone tonight."

"I don't think so."

"Thank you, Amy!" Meredith hugged her sister-in-law. "I don't know what I would do without you."

Amelia smiled. "You would be perfectly fine. Trust me, I know you. You are the wonder woman, Meredith."


	18. She had made the right choice

**Three parts in one day. Yeey :) **

**And this one is a special part. This one is about Meredith and her life, some past memories. I hope that you like this Meredith, because I want her to be like this.**

* * *

Meredith was hearing her daughter crying. She opened her eyes and went to pick her up from her small bed. It was next to hers.

"Shh, Ellis, don't cry!" Meredith tried to calm her down. Boys were sleeping and she didn't want to wake them up. "Do you want to eat?"

Meredith made her way to the red cushion chair next to the windows and sat down. The moon was shining and the sea looked calm. Meredith had a great view over Seattle from here. She lowered a strap of her purple nightgown and took her left breast in her hand. She hadn't fed Ellis from her breasts for three days. She had pumped her milk and left it into the fridge. Meredith always thought that feeding her children with her own milk made they bond closer. She had always enjoyed doing it.

With twins it had been hard, because for the first months they almost ate at the same time, so Derek helped her. She gave each of boys one of her breasts and they ate silently. She and Derek always were watching as they children ate and smiled. That was their moment.

With Bailey it was easier. She didn't need to focus on feeding two mouths at the same time. And with Ellis it was the same.

She took her left breast and offered it to Ellis. She instantly started sucking it and Meredith smiled. Her little girl was healthy and alive, eating and breating.

Meredith remembers that one time when she almost lost her daughter. She was seven months pregnant then.

* * *

_Meredith was walking around the hospital trying to find April. She needed to talk about her newest patient. There was a chance that she was being abused by her botfriend and tried to hide it. April had hinted to it, and Meredith was sure that it was true._

_When she spotted her, she wanted to shout to get April's attention, but a sudden pain stopped her. She grabber her stomach in pain and groaned. Then Meredith felt hot liquid running down her thights._

_Meredith looked down and saw blood. She was bleading._

_"Meredith!" She heard April shouting. That was the last thing she heard before everything went black._

* * *

She had had placental abruption. Arizona and Alex had saved her and Ellis, but she spent the rest of her pregnancy in the hospital. It was too dangerous for her to walk around, because every moment she could start bleeding again and that time they would have to take the child out.

Meredith had a high risk pregnancy because of her age, hostile uterus and complicated Bailey's birth. It was a miracle that Meredith was pregnant again and had carried a child that long. She was forty when Ellis was born. Derek was forty – five. His birthday was three months ago, five days after Ellis'. Meredith was happy that she had finally welcomed her girl healthy and alive, but at the same time she was desperate. Her husband was under the ground and she had to take care of four children alone. But then – three months later she found Luke at her door.

Meredith looked around the room. She saw boys sleeping and again smiled. Chris was sleeping on Derek's side with his hand over Bailey's stomach. Matt was sleeping next to Bailey with his red cat in hands.

That was her world, her kids and her life. She will never regret having them. She will never regret marrying Derek.

Meredith and Cristina had been friends since they intern year. They both were smart and wanted to be the best. Cristina was the first one to know about Meredith and Derek. She knew about their secret relationship. Meredith trusted her, but one day changed it all.

* * *

_It was their second year. Meredith had just returned from two week holiday with an engagement ring on her finger. Derek had proposed to her last night when they had returned from Los Angeles. Meredith couldn't stop smiling. She was happy._

_"Why are you smiling like that? Did you get laid this morning?" Cristina asked and continued to write her charts._

_"I can't be happy?" Meredith answered with frown. Didn't her best friend notice her ring? _

_"You can, but I wouldn't smile everytime I get laid."_

_"Cristina." Meredith's smile was off. "There is another reason why I'm happy. Do you wanna know it?"_

_Cristina put the pen down and looked into Mer's eyes. "Did you break up with Derek?"_

_"WHAT?"_

_"Should I ask you again?" Cristina narrowed her eyes. "You know that he is not the right one for you. You should focus more on your job than him. If you continue to sleep with him, you will get pregant and then your career would be over."_

_Meredith was angry now. How can someone say that about her man, about HER Derek? Everyone knew them. All hospital knew about Meredith and Derek, they great love story. They were THE Meredith and Derek. Even after bomb, drowing accident and secret ex-wife they had stayed together and have never been more happier. Nurses around the hospital made bets on the date when Derek would propose to Meredith. _

_She loved Derek with all her heart and wanted to be with him. Yes, they have talked about kids. One day they would have them, but her best friend's words hurt._

_Cristina didn't like Derek, Meredith knew it, but that didn't give her any rights to speak abour her fiance like that. _

_"I love Derek."Meredith defended herself._

_"Yeah, and I loved Burke." She rolled her eyes. "Meredith, look around. You don't love him, never have and never will. That all is in your head. Derek is just a good fuck for you, admit it. You don't want relatioship, you don't do them. Stop playing family with Derek and return to your world. Derek is nothing and no man or even some stupid kids won't be more important than your career. You won't be great and extraordinary if you don't focus on your dreams."_

_Meredith was hurt. She couldn't stop tears from falling. This was the woman she had considered her best friend, sister. Right know she saw another woman. _

_"Do you really think that?"Meredith said between tears._

_"Oh, stop crying, Meredith! You are not a child, who cries knowing that the santa clause isn't real."_

_Meredith couldn't hear it more. At that moment she hated Cristina more than her own father who had left her. That's why she said what she said. "No wonder why Burke left you. You are evil and only care about yourself. You doesn't care about other's or they lives. Burke saw it and left you alone. He didn't want to be together with someone, who only wants to be famous and is cruel. You use people to get what you want. Like it was with Burke. You only were with him because of his job. He got you all the best surgeries and always chose you not because of your talent, but because you slept with him. Derek has never done that. He sees talant in me and in other's. He cares about me and I care about him. But I don't think you will be ever able to understand it. You can't love, Cristina."_

_Meredith turned around and left Cristina speacless. _

* * *

Cristina wasn't her friend anymore. They were just colleagues, who spoke only if they were needed. Meredith had her life, Cristina had hers. And Meredith was glad that Cristina wasn't right. Looking at her sleeping kids, Meredith knew – she had made the right choice.


	19. Don't call me ma'am

"Should we wake mommy up?"

"No, mommy will be mad."

"But I want to eat."

"Me too."

"Maybe we just should wake up aunt Amy ?"

"Mommy is up!" Meredith said with closed eyes. She had listened to her boys for the last ten minutes. At first they talked about sleeping Ellis, then their toy cars and lastly about breakfast.

Ellis was still sleeping. She had been up at five and Meredith had fed her, changed her diaper and put her back to sleep.

Meredith slowly sat up and opened her eyes. She was met by two pair of green eyes and one pair of blue looking at her. Boys were sitting next to her in bed, still wearing they pajamas and waiting.

"Did we wake you up?" Asked Matt. He wore grey pajama pants and white t- shirt with an elephant.

"No." Meredith lied. Then she saw Chris without a shirt on. "Where is your shirt, Chris?"

"There." He pointed at the bathroom. "I was washing my hands after peeing and I got my shirt wet."

Meredith got out of bed and went to her wardrobe and took about grey sweatpants and shirt. "I will change and then we will have breakfast, alright? Wait for me." Boys nodded and Meredith went to change.

When she opened the bathroom door, she was shocked. The floor was wet, Chris green t-shirt was laying in the middle, her clean clothes were tossed around the room. Some of them were wet. And above all of it – the water tap was still open.

She threw clothes in her hands on the wet floor and fastly closer the tap. "CHRISTOPHER SHEPHERD!" She shouted and soon her son was by her side. "What is this?"

Meredith turned and saw fear in his face. Meredith rarely raised her voice and when she did…

"I…I'm sorry, mommy!" Chris was looking down.

"What exactly happened here, Christopher?"

"I wanted to wash my hands." He started and looked at Meredith. She was standing with hands crossed over her chest. "But I didn't know how to close the water tap. The water came and came, I slipped on the wet floor and grabbed your clothes accidentally. They flew everywhere and I hit my bottom."

"Where?" Meredith forgot about the fload in the bathroom. Right now she wanted to make sure that her boy was alright. Chris showed her his bottom and Meredith saw a red mark on it. There will be a bruise later. "Did you hit something more? Your head?"

She looked into his eyes. "Follow my finger."

"No, only my bottom." Chris said after Meredith made sure that he was alright. "I'm sorry mom for the mess I made."

"It's alright, but why didn't you call for me? I would have come and helped you."

"I didn't want to wake you up." She saw guilt in Chris eyes. She hugged him and told him to go to his brothers who were still sitting in the bed.

Meredith took a deep breath and looked around the room. How can one small human make a mess like this? She grabbed the closest towel and started sweeping water. It will take some time, when she finishes cleaning the mess Chris had made.

"Meredith, dear, is everything alright?" She heard Carolyn from the bedroom. "I heard you screaming. Oh – " Carolyn stopped and Meredith looked up. "What happened?"

"Chris had a little accident, that's all." Meredith put the wet towel in the bath and took another one. "Did we wake you up?"

"No, not at all. I was already up." Carolyn smiled. "Let me help you – "

"No need. I can do it by myself. I don't want to bother you with this. But can you please take boys and get them changed?"

"No problem, dear." Carolyn smiled and left the room. Meredith heard her saying something to boys and then they all left. Meredith took a deep breath as she continued to clean the bathroom. She had to finish cleaning before eight. Derek's surgery was at eleven and she wanted to be there. She had the half an hour to clean that mess.

* * *

"I can watch the kids." Liz announced at breakfast.

"And I think that Liz needs a helping hand." Amelia said and looked at Meredith. She was standing with Ellis in her arms.

"Are you both sure? I can call Arizona or – "

Liz stopped her. "There is no need for that. He is going into the surgery and he won't need all of us there." Meredith was glad that Liz didn't mention Derek's name. If kids heard this, Meredith wouldn't know how to explain that to kids. Derek's surgery had risks and there was a chance that he won't wake up. Kids didn't need to get their hopes up and then lose them.

"And I will come home right after he goes into the surgery." Nancy added. Meredith was suprised. "I don't think me being in hospital will be helpful." She looked at Meredih. "And I'm sorry for things I have said before."

Meredith took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "Thanks." She whispered and opened them again when she felt someone's hand on her shoulder. She looked over her shoulder and met Kath's brown eyes.

"I will be staying home too. I want to explore Derek's famous land and see his old trailer."

"Mmm… trailer." Nancy smiled and looked at Meredith. Meredith smiled in return. Then she remembered about something.

She turned around and gave Ellis to Kath. "Can you please hold her?"

"Is everything alright?" Amelia asked in concern.

"Mommy, did you forget to feed Doc and Max?" Matt asked and Meredith looked at him with a knowing look. Matt knew that his mom forgot to feed their dogs sometimes. She had blamed it on the pregnancy.

"You have dogs?" Nancy asked while Meredith went to the front door. She opened them and met two guards. If she remembers corectly, they names were Spencer and Harry. They were drinking coffee and talking.

"You can go inside if you want to. There are enough food for everyone." Meredith said to them.

"Thank you ma'am, but we don't want to bother you." Harry answered.

"You won't bother me. You are taking care of me and my family, so you are welcomed in there."

"Thank you ma'am." Spencer answered and they both made their way into the house.

"And one more thing." They turned around. "Don't call me ma'am. Just Meredith." Guards nodded and went inside.

"MAX AND DOC!" Meredith shouted. "COME HOME, BOYS!" And in the next moment dogs were jumping on her with their dirty paws.

She laughted and cursed at the same time. "Alright, let's go and wash the mud off, so you can go inside and eat your breakfast."


	20. It was enough for them

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**New profile pic for this story! Do you like it?**

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* * *

"I will stay tonight at the hospital." Meredith said to Amelia. They were standing outside the house and watching kids running around. Matt and Bailey were playing soccer while Chris was playing with Max. Doc was inside the house.

Amelia nodded and looked at sleeping Ellis. She was sleeping in her yellow stroller. The sun was shining and it was hot for March's end in Seattle. Last night had rained, and mud was everywhere. Boy's legs were dirty and Amelia would need a helping hand later.

"Meredith, did you get everything?" They turned and were met by Carolyn's warm eyes. She knew about Meredith's plan to stay with Derek this night in a case if he wakes up. She would prefer Meredith sleeping in her own soft bed tonight, but it was her choice. Meredith wanted to stay and no one could stop her.

"Yes, Carolyn." She nodded. "Where is Nancy?"

"Right here." Nancy came out of the house.

"I will go and say goodbye to the boys."

Meredith walked towards her boys and stopped in front of Chris. He looked up and smiled. "Hi, mom!"

"What are you doing?" She leaned over to his level and touched his wet hair. Max had sat down next to Meredith and waited for his "mother" to say something. She patted his dark fur and felt him move closer to her.

"I was trying to teach Max a new trick." He answered. "Max, sit!"

"Honey, he already knows that." Meredith laughed. "I'm going to stay in the hopital for the night. Be good and don't make any mess."

"Will do." Chris hugged his mother and went to Max, who was now trying to open the door of the house.

"Where are you going?" Meredith heard Matt ask. When she turned around, she saw them standing in front of her with frown. They clothes were covered by the mud.

"To the hospital. I will stay there overnight."

Bailey came closer and put his dirty arms on Meredith's white jacket. She had just washed it. Meredith was angry, but tried no to show it.

"Job?"

"No." Meredith opened her arms and hugged the boys. Now her back was also dirty and she will need to change. "An old friend is in the hospital and I have to stay with him tonight."

"Is he alright?" Matt asked and Meredith saw how much he looked like his father.

Meredith smiled and stood up. "He will be."

Matt nodded and left to go inside. Bailey stood next to Meredith and hold her hand.

"Mommy, can I go with you?"

Meredith looked over at Amelia, who was watching her and nodded. She would need to calm down Bailey, when he will start crying. "Listen, Bailey, you can't come with me. You will stay home with your siblings and aunts, alright? I will call you later and we will talk."

"But mommy – "

"Bailey, you have to stay at home." Meredith saw his eyes get wet. He released Meredith's arms and started sobbing.

"Come on, little man! We will do funny things together." Amelia said as she took Bailey in her arms and left, but not making an eye contact with Meredith before. Meredith muttered 'thanks' and fastly went inside to change her jacket.

Two minutes later she came outside wearing long, brown coat. "Who owns that old car?" She heard Nancy ask. Meredith looked at Derek's old jeep that Nancy was pointing at and answered.

"That's Derek's. He wanted to keep it."

"Did he drive around with it?"

"Rarely. He had a Porsche Cayenne before accident." Meredith unlocked her car and opened the back door to put her overnight bag inside. She turned and saw Carolyn and Nancy looking strange at her. "What?"

"We don't want to be rude, but how you are going to maneuver your car through the mud?"

"From the house to the gate is a paved road."

"And then?" Nancy asked, when she opened the doors to get in. "There is this short road without asphalt or paving."

"It's not the first time I'm driving." Meredith smiled and got in into the car. When everyone was seated and fastened, Meredith started driving. She saw the house getting smaller in the rearview mirror and sighed. This was it. Today is the day when her husband's fate will be determined. Today he will wake up or his heart will stop forever… and this time for real.

She needed something to cheer her up. She needed something to remind about good times and about the bright future ahead of them. If this was unsuccessful and Derek would never wake up, Meredith will have to move on and live her life. There was a risk for him not to wake up. There was a danger that he would be killed. There was a chance that his heart stops in the middle of surgery. There were too many different paths that could happen, but Meredith only hoped for one. Derek had to open his eyes and remember her. He had to live and take care of her, when she is old and smelly. She needed him to remind her who she was, if she gets Alzheimer and forgets. And in this moment there was only one thing that she could do to remember good times.

"Do you mind some music?" She asked.

"Not at all." Carolyn smiled and looked at Meredith from the passenger seat. Meredith looked at Nancy through the mirror and saw her nodding. She turned radio on and soon the car was filled with music. It wasn't just some music. It was Derek's favourite.

_"Darling, you got to let me know_

_Should I stay or should I go?"_

Meredith smiled and from her peripheral vision she saw Carolyn smiling. Meredith continued driving and listening to the music. Fot the past year, it has been a reminder about Derek. She always listened it when she drove somewhere, when she went to the hospital and drove twins to kindergarder. It was her songs, her memories, her happiness.

"_If you say that you are mine_

_I'll be here 'til the end of time_

_So you got to let me know_

_Should I stay or should I go?"_

"I remember him singing this at my wedding. He, Mark and Steve were drunk and they thought it was a good idea." Said Nancy and Meredith looked at her. Her eyes were closed and her lips wore a smile. Meredith knew that Steve was Nancy's husband. She had seen photos of her family.

"It's hard to believe, you know." Meredith added and continued to focus on the road. "Derek never sang into the audience and never danced. Only exceptions were the hospital's prom, our wedding and a few other occasions."

"I heard about the prom from Addison."

"Why I haven't heard about it?" Carolyn added. Meredith was suprised. Her mother-in-law always knew everything. Derek had told her that his mother knew about her daughter's pregnancies long before thay announced it.

"There is nothing to tell you, Carolyn. It was a simply prom, nothing big."

"I wouldn't say that." Meredith stopped at the red light. "You and Derek were in the spothlight."

"Let's be real. We always were in the spotlight, because he is _the_ Derek Shepherd and I am _the_ famous intern Meredith Grey who fell in love with her boss."

Meredith started driving again. Sometimes some of the hospital staff members looked at her with rage and disgust. For them she always will be the girl who fell in love with her boss, the dream man of many woman, and married him. She will always be that slutty intern who seduced married man and made him leave his wife. But that wasn't the truth. They don't know anything.

"And Derek fell for you, much harder than for Addison. He had never looked at her like he looks at you... and will look. That said the woman, who was his wife for eleven years. That night everyone knew that feeling between you two were real. They finally saw it."

"We just danced that night."

"It was enough for them."


	21. I was waiting for you

**Hi :) **

**I don't want to spoil you, but... the drama is coming. The next few chapters will be... you will see ;) And that means that this story is coming to the end. I don't know how many parts are left, but I know that end is close. **

**But don't worry, the MERDER love won't stop. I have already started writting a few MERDER stories. I don't know which one of them will be published, but I PROMISE to you that I'm not stopping! :)**

**The information about the next story will be given later. Do you have any guesses what it would be? **

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The way to the hospital took an hour. At half past ten they walked inside the hospital. As usual people were everywhere, nurses and doctors talked with different family relatives and Meredith saw Cristina kissing an intern. His name was Shane Ross.

Ignoring Cristina, Meredith went to the elevator with Carolyn and Nancy behind her. It was emply and Meredith was glad. She didn't want to face anyome. It was enough that people in this building talked about her and her family.

"Wasn't that Owen's girlfriend?" Carolyn asked, when the doors of elevator closed.

"How do you know that?" Meredith spun around.

They didn't replay immediately. Meredith looked into Nancy's eyes and then Carolyn's. They didn't look guilty. That mean someone other had given them information about Owen and Cristina.

When Meredith wanted to ask them more questions, the doors opened and they went outside. Meredith left the elevator last, but she didn't get a chance to go further because a guard stopped her.

"Who are you?" He said in angry tone. He was tired and Meredith saw it.

"Leon, she can go." Meredith heard Luke's voice. He was standing behind Leon with Nancy and Carolyn. Leon moved his big body away and let Meredith go. "And you go rest. Smith will change you."

Leon nodded and left.

"You also look tired, detective." Meredith said seeing his tired face. Meredith saw that it was hard for him to keep open his grey eyes. "You also should go and rest."

"I will, when Derek will be into the surgery." He answered and looked at the watch. "Dr. Bailey and Dr. Koracick have been with him for the past ten minutes. They are preparing him for the surgery."

"I will go and see him if that's possible." Carolyn looked for an answer in Meredith's face. When she saw Meredith nod, she smiled and started walking towards his room with Nancy following. When Meredith was left alone with Luke, she turned her attention to him.

"Any changes in his case?"

"Let's go and sit down. It's hard for me to stand." Luke confessed. Meredith followed him to nearlest chair and helped him to sit down.

"Are you alright?" Meredith asked, when she measured his pulse. His heart was beating fast. "Your heart ir beating fast. Does anything hurt?"

"My head, but it's nothing." Meredith touched his forehead.

"Your body temperature seems normal, but you look tired and pale. Drink this." Meredith gave him her watter bottle. He hesitating took it. "Don't worry I'm not sick. Now drink." She ordered and Luke smiled.

"Now you are acting like a doctor."

She smiled and sat down next to him. "Because I'm a doctor." Meredith touched his arm. "How many hours did you sleep last night?"

"Zero. I never closed my eyes." He confesed.

"Meredith, is everything alright?" They saw Bailey walking to them. She was looking at them with concern.

"He can faint in every moment. His reart rate is faster than averange, he is dehydrated and hasn't slept for the past twenty four fours."

"I would say forty." Bailey added and touched his forehead. "You should sleep, detective."

"I will."

"We should get him in the bed." Meredith said and looked around. "Can we put him in one of the beds here?"

"Room three." Bailey put one arm under his and Meredith did the same with other. "Let's go."

They slowly helped Luke to get up, and together went to the room number three. Meredith helped to get him into bed and took of his shoes and jacket. At the same time Bailey gave him a saline bag.

"Try to sleep, detective. Everything will be alright." Meredith put over him a white blanket and left. Before closing the door she looked over her shoulder and saw him sleeping.

Meredith went outside and found Bailey talking to one of the guards.

"He will be taken to OR 3 in ten minutes. Dr. Webber and Dr. Yang will be there to meet us." Bailey said. When she saw Meredith walking towards them, she turned and introduced her to the guard.

"This is Meredith Shepherd. Meredith, this is Andrew." Meredith smiled and shook his hand. "One of the guards. He has been ordered to follow every Derek's move after leaving his room."

Meredith nodded. "Can I go and see Derek now?"

Bailey nodded and Meredith started going to Derek's room, but something caught her eyes. It was a dark figure that stood in in the hallway with a gun in his hands. Meredith stopped in a fear and tried to hide, but the floor decided to made a sound and she cursed. The dark figure turned around and Meredith saw it's face.

"Maggie…" She whispered and clutched her bag. She was suprised to see Maggie here, but she was more suprised that she had gotten into the hospital without being caught. Looking into Maggies eyes, she saw pain and anger in there. Her dark eyes were filled with hate and disgust, making Meredith shiver.

Maggie took of her hood and Meredith was able to see her face better. There was a dark bruise near her left eye and her lip was split. Meredith saw her slowly taking steps closer and closer and Meredith tried to move back, but was met by the cold wall.

"My dead sister," Maggie said with a smirk. Meredith heard in her voice contempt and anger. Maggie was angry and dangerous. In her hands was a black gun, it looked like she was ready to shot in every moment. "I was waiting for you."

"Maggie, what – " Meredith tried to talk, but Maggie stopped her. She pointed the gun at her chest and shouted.

"DON"T INTERUPT ME!" She took a step closer and was standing only a few steps away. "I will speak and you will listen. It's all I ask."

When Meredith didn't replay anything, Maggie shouted again. "DID YOU UNDERSTAND?"

"Yes." Meredith was scared. She didn't want to die. She had four children to take care of and husband, who was in the coma. One wrong movement and he is dead. She wasn't ready to lose him again. She needed him, she needed Derek more than ever she had needed. Right now she wished to see him again, even if that would be the last thing she does in her life.

This would end bad, Meredith knew it. There was no one around. All the guards were gone, no nurses or doctors, who were supposed to monitor and watch Derek, were no where seen. She was afraid that nobody heard Maggie shouting. And deep inside of her heart, Meredith had a feeling that today will die one person – she or Derek.


	22. You will never be able to understand

Meredith tried to move away from the wall and get away from Maggie, but it was unsuccessful. When Meredith took a step, Maggie pointed the gun at her and evil smiled.

"One move and you will be dead."

Meredith looked into her sisters eyes and tried to figure her out.

Maggie was a successful woman, a genius who finished her residency at the age of 27 and was one of the best. People around the USA have heard about her, doctors adored her and wanted to be as successful as she was.

Margaret Pierce had grown up in loving family, with loving parents, had gone to med school without paying for it, had amazing career and worldwide fame. She was more succesful than Meredith, had it all at the age of 35 and more. The only thing that Meredith had but Maggie didn't is a husband and four kids.

Meredith tried to undestand what made Maggie to do such things. Why someone as successful and prosperous as her would go this low and do bad and awful things like killing someone and blackmailing. Maggie had the would under her feed and she chose to do this.

"You are wondering why am I doing this, right? You are thinking why I tried to kill your husband before and will do that again?"

Meredith gasped at her words. Maggie was the one, who tried to kill Derek. Because of her he was in this state and couldn't be with his family. Because of her he didn't see his daughter's birth, coudn't be with his wife while she was pregnant and celebrate her third pregnancy.

"You, you… "

"That was me. I was the one, who called him in that moment. I saw the truck coming and knew that he would stop to answer the phone. I had planed it all, but then he came and I had to leave." Maggie walked around the hallway and talked. Meredith listened to her and tried to stpp her tears. She had cried a lot and this time she needed to stop crying. It would show her as a broken woman, who wasn't strong enough to stand against her biological half-sister. Meredith needed to time to think of a plan.

"Who is he?" Meredith asked and Maggie stopped looking at ther. "What he did?"

Maggie came closer and put the gun next to Meredith's jaw. She felt cold metal against her hot skin and she closer her eyes. She felt Maggie's hot breath near her right ear. It was making her sick.

"Your father. He saw me and tried to catch me." Maggie whispered.

"Thatcher?"

"Does your father have another name?" She heard Maggie reply sarcastically.. When Meredith didn't feel anymore her hot breath, she opened her eyes. Maggie was looking at her with anger. "I managed to escape. He didn't catch me and, for my lucky, he didn't see my face… Did you knew that he is a FBI agent?"

Meredith didn't believe her. Her father was a teacher in highschool and an alcoholic. When she was little, he always came from school with huge piles of tests that he had to mark. Meredith remembers his red pen and how he used to white different letters on the paper. That was before he left.

When she met him again, he had two grown up daughters and a wife. He had crossed Meredith out of his life. He had a new life, a happy one, but it all changed when Susan died. He became an addict. He drank a lot and didn't care about anyone. When he needed a liver donation, Meredith donated him a part of her liver. Not because of him, but because of Lexie. Her little sister deserved more time with her father.

The last time she saw him was at Lexie's funeral. They didn't even say a word to each other.

"That's what I thought." The gun left Meredith's jaw and she breathed out. "He was the one, who switched bodies and hid Derek. If that detective, what was his name?... I don't care what was his name. If he wouldn't have recognized Derek, that he still would be laying in Atlanta and I wouldn't have to do this."

"Maggie, why are you doing this?" Meredith asked and tried to look into her eyes. "Tell me – "

"Because you had the life I wanted!"

"What do you mean?"

"You took everything from me!" Maggie turned around and Meredith took a deep breath. There was a big anger in her eyes, bigger than before. And in this moment Meredith was more afraid than ever. People in anger did a lot of things and most of time they were bad. At any moment Maggie could shot and Meredith would die of the lose of blood.

Maggie put her hands on her face and breathed deeply. "You will never be able to understand."

"What exactly, Maggie? I didn't do anything to you. I even didn't know that you existed two years ago!" Now Meredith was getting angry. Maggie blamed her for something she had never done. She didn't know about her half-sister's existence. She didn't know that Ellis was pregnant. She didn't know that she had a sister somewhere.

Maggie came closer and pointed at Meredith with the gun. Then she pointed around and than back at her. "You have everything I have ever wanted."

Meredith wanted to ask her more, but Maggie stopped her.

"You grew up with her. You grew up with the brilliant Ellis Grey. Everyone recognizes you as her daughter. The excellent and talanted Meredith Grey, sorry, Shepherd – the daughter of Ellis Grey. You are her pride. You are her legacy. I should be in your place.

She gave me away. I was to bad for her. She had never wanted me. She chose you over me, the daughter, who she never wanted."

"That's not like that." Meredith knew it all. Of course, she was hurt that her mother never wanted her, always were in the work and forgot about her birthdays. She never came to her school plays, never said 'I love you' or smiled at her drawings. She simply threw them out and left. Growing up it hurt, but when she saw her mother for the last time… Meredith understood Ellis' pain. She was hurt and damaged as Meredith. Richard chose Adele over her, she had his child and she tried to forget her pain in the work. And Meredith… it was painful looking at her and remembering that had given away another daughter.

Ellis loved her and Maggie would have loved. She just didn't know how to express her feeling and show. She was afraid and hurt, and took her pain out on Meredith.

"I KNOW THE TRUTH!"

Meredith tried to take a step closer, but a shot stopped her. Maggie had shot the ceiling. "I haven't finished yet. If you will take another step, the next bullet will be in you." And Meredith knew that Maggie didn't joke.


	23. Now you understand?

**Hello :)**

**BIG THANK YOU FOR 11K VIEWS! **

* * *

"But that's not the only reason why I hate you."

"There is more?" Meredith whispered to herself. She was scared and stood opposite of Maggie.

"Did you say something, big sister?" Maggie asked. Seeing her eyes, Meredith understand one thing — Maggie was crazy. She was mentally ill. No one would do things like this in the right mind. Something was definitely wrong and Meredith knew.

_Just like the last time._ Meredith closed her eyes and saw herself standing in the 2OR, where Cristina and Jackson were operating on Derek. He had been shoot and Meredith had offered her life for Derek's. Clark was ready to shoot, but Cristina, who saw Meredith's small bump, announced that she was pregnant. Clark couldn't shoot a pregnant woman, and then he wanted to kill Derek, but his heart monitor started beeping that Derek's heart had stopped.

Meredith remembers herself crying hysterical. She thought that she had lost Derek, but Jackson had disconnected his wires and saved his life. Clark left and Derek survived. April calmed her down, when Jackson connected wires back, and both they started saving Owen.

In that day Meredith could have lost her children and Derek, but Cristina had saved her life. She will always be thankful her for that. And later, when Derek was in the ICU, she felt her sons moving for the first time. That was a sign that everything would be alright.

"Meredith, do you know why I hate you so much?" Maggie asked with a smirk. Meredith knew that she needed to talk to Maggie. She knew that from the experience. Is she would talk, there will be a chance that Maggie won't hurt her.

"Remember us meeting for the first time?"

"Yes." Meredith answered and carefully watched every step Maggie made. "I was talking to Derek and then you came with Cristina."

"Ah, you remember. Do you remember what happened next?"

"Cristina introduced us."

"This is Margaret Pierce. The new cardio surgeon." She mimicked. "And this is Meredith and Derek Shepherd — our hospital's most famous couple."

Meredith was silent. Was Maggie jealous of her and Derek?

"You see, you have Derek. You are married to the god of neuro, one of the best neurosurgeons in this country and the whole word."

"Is this because of Derek?" That made Maggie stop.

"You think that I want your husband?" Maggie laughed and closed her eyes for a moment. "I don't need that old bastard… The thing is hidden in that you seduced your boss and fell in love with him. You made a family, have four children and a famous husband…

When I was twenty, I met Charlie. He was my boss, who taught me a lot, gave helping hand when I needed, comforted me when my first patient died. Charlie saw the talent and potential in me, he saw the best in me. I fell in love with him. I wanted to be with him, wanted to marry him and be his wife. I adored him for years before I got courage and went after my happiness. Can you imagine what happened next?

One night after forty-eight hour shift I decided to tell him about my feelings. I was ready to announce that I love him. We went to the nearest bar and got drunk. He had lost a patient and wanted to forget the pain. The next morning we woke up in the same bed. We had slept together. I was happy, but then he broke my dreams and heart. He started shouting at me for seducing him, for sleeping with him, but you know that was the worst?

He had a wife. He had cheated on his wife, who was pregnant with his child. They had problems in they marriage, I knew, but I was too stupid to believe that he could fall in love with me. He laughed about my feeling for him, and left.

I was broken and hurt. I didn't go to work for two days and when I finally went…" She took a deep breath. "He had told the entire hospital that I had seduced him and forced him to sleep with me. His wife, who I had never seen, came to me and said that I am nothing more than some piece of shit, who nobody wants.

Her best friend's uncle was the chief there. He fired me and said that I should never go back there. He made me feel like nobody, no one special. Charlie didn't want me, he never saw me as a woman, as someone to love." Maggie came closer to Meredith and stood in front of her. The gun was put next to her stomach. Meredith saw pain in Maggie's eyes. There were tears that she tried to sweep with her fingers.

Meredith understood her pain. Maggie was in the same situation that Meredith was almost ten years ago. She knew the feeling of betrayal, pain and endless hope. When she had found out about Addison and that Derek was married, she was hurt. For days Meredith only lived with a hope that Derek would choose her over Addison. After endless days in pain Derek finally made his choice and stayed with Meredith.

"Now you understand?" Maggie opened her red eyes and Meredith for the first time understood her sister. Maggie was hurt. She had hidden her pain and put in deep into her soul. She was damaged.

"You should let him go, Maggie." Meredith whispered and tried to help Maggie. She had been the same when Derek died. She cursed everyone, hated herself for letting him got to the D.C. and blamed the universe for killing him. Meredith knew that feeling and Amelia and Alex had been a great support. Not only they helped her to let Derek go, but they also helped her with the pregnancy and motherhood. She is glad that they helped her, because if not... she would be in a dark place.

"I CAN'T! DID YOU LET DEREK GO WHEN HE DIED? YOU HAVEN'T BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL SINCE HIS DEAD AND THAT WAS MORE THAN YEAR AGO!" She shouted and this time Meredith was sure that someone had heard Maggie. Even if nurses, doctors and guards were away, there was another one person in this floor that could save her.


	24. The emply hallway of hospital

**Hello :) **

**One part left. **

* * *

"I will kill you and then Derek." Maggie said and took a step back. She had a wicked grin on her face as she held the gun high. She was psycho, she had mental problems, and she needed help. Meredith stood against the wall and felt the hot tear run down her cheek.

She wasn't afraid of dead. She had met it a few times before — the bomb, the drowning, the plane crash, giving birth in the storm and almost dying giving birth for the third time. All those times she had escaped death, but maybe this would be the last one.

Meredith was afraid for her children. They would have to grow up without parents if she and Derek got killed. They wouldn't be able to hug her, ask how her day was or just simply say '_I love you_'. She wouldn't be able to see them grow up, finish high school and get married. She wouldn't be there to see her grandchildren and her children be happy.

They would have Alex and Amelia, but that wouldn't be the same. They would never be able to replace their mom and dad. Alex and Amelia would do their best to raise them, replace Meredith and Derek so the kids wouldn't feel left alone. Alex, Jo and Amelia would make the best team and Meredith was sure of it.

"Please, Maggie…" Meredith put her hands up and tried to move closer. "You don't want to do this, to have blood on your hands."

"Maybe I do." She put the gun down and aimed to Meredith's chest. "Don't take another step closer or I won't wait a moment longer to kill you. Right now I'm giving you a time to accept your death."

"Maggie, please, I know the feeling of pain and betrayal, I've been there too."

"Don't talk to me, Meredith! I know how this works! You talk and make me regret my decision to kill you. Then you take the gun from my hands and boom — happy ending."

"I have four children, who need they mother." Meredith said. "I don't want to leave them alone. Maggie, please — "

"Stop talking! I WILL KILL YOU, do you understand?" She shouted and Meredith saw fight in her eyes. Maggie was fighting herself. Meredith had seen it before when Gary Clark had tried to kill Derek. She was standing only a few feet away. Derek had managed to convince him to not shot, but April ran in the middle and things changed. Clark shot Derek in her eyes and left him alone to bleed out. She was nearly him and with the help of Cristina, who was near, was able to get him in the OR in time.

"You don't want to go to the jail for murder."

"I AM STILL GOING TO THE JAIL! DON'T YOU SEE? A FEW MORE YEARS WON'T CHANGE IT!" Maggie smiled evil and took a step closer. "This is the end, Meredith. Any last words?"

Meredith thought what to say. She thought and nothing came out. She didn't know what to say. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, falling like a waterfall. She wasn't afraid of death — she told herself.

"As you don't have anything to say… three." Maggie started counting and Meredith closed her eyes. She knew the end was near. This was her end and no one would save her. Luke, her last hope, hadn't come, she was alone. The bullet would soon hit her chest, and she would bleed out on this cold floor. "Two… one…" And then Meredith heard bang.

She was waiting for the pain to overcome her body, but nothing came. She heard someone shouting in pain and falling down. Opening her eyes in fear, she saw Maggie lying on the floor with blood colored jacket. She had been shot in shoulder and groaned in pain, the gun was lying a few feet away from her hands. Looking around she saw Luke learning against the wall with gun in his hands and watching Meredith. He was saying something, but Meredith couldn't make any word out. She was in the shock.

She saw Luke walking towards Maggie, who groaned in pain, and took the gun away. He pressed his hands on her gunshot wound and watched Meredith. She was still standing in the place and watching blood on the floor.

She had survived it. Maggie hadn't killed her, she was going to be alive. Her kids were going to have a mother… and father. Oh, Derek! She had to see him. She wanted to go and see him, she wanted to make sure that he was alright. Meredith wanted to run, but Luke started talking seeing her expression change.

"Meredith, I need your help." She was able to hear him. Meredith turned her head up and watched Luke. "Can you please call someone and say to come here?"

"I… I…" Meredith tried to answer.

"You have to Meredith."

With shaking fingers she took out her phone and called the only person she could think of at that moment.

"_Oh my good, Meredith, are you alright_?" Alex shouted. She could her panic in his voice and others in the background. "_Where are you? There is the shooter in VIP floor, all doors have been blocked from inside. We can't get in. Please say that you aren't there!_"

"We… we are here." She managed to say. "And we need a… doctor." She looked at Maggie. "Surgeon."

"_Fuck, Meredith! Are you hurt?_" Alex asked and Meredith knew he was running. "_I will be there in a moment! I need you to open the door_."

"I don't know how to." She looked at Luke, who only nodded to the side of nurses station. She moved towards it and saw a red button next to the computer, which was turned on. She pressed it and heard doors opening. Alex ran inside with Owen and Jackson behind him.

"Meredith!" He ran towards her and hugged her hard. Meredith sobbed into his shoulder and put her hands around his waist. Alex tried to calm her down and it worked. She started to calm down. "Are your hurt?" Alex asked, when he moved away from Meredith to examine her. She stopped him by touching his hands.

"I, I am fine, Alex." She looked over her shoulder and saw Luke rising up from the floor. Maggie had been taken away and on the floor was only left her blood. "Luke, are you alright?" She asked and moved around. He had saved her, and she wanted to make sure he was alright.

She went around the station and saw that Luke was covered in the blood. She ran towards him and touched his shoulders. "Are you alright?"

"Is that your blood?" Alex asked. He was standing next to Meredith. "I will need to examine you."

"I am alright, Dr. Karev." He said, but as he took a step he cried in the pain. Alex and Meredith were immediately next to him and supported him. Alex looked at his leg and saw it bleeding. "You have a massive wound. We will need to stitch it up."

"How did you get it?" Meredith asked him and helped Luke to sit down. "We will need to stop the bleeding." She told to Alex and went to her bag, which was lying a few feet away. Her shock had gone away and was replaced with surgeon's mode. She was ready to save his life.

"I don't have anything in my bag." Meredith said after looking in her bag. Then she remembered about supply closet and run towards it. She fastly found a big gauze rolls and pads, bandages, scissors and gloves. She ran back and saw Alex pressing Luke's wound.

"I got everything." She said and sat down. She looked at his blood soaked jeans and fastly put the gloves on. "We will need to cut your jeans."

Luke laughed. "Do what you need. I need my leg."

Meredith cut his jeans and gasped. Alec had taken off his hands from the wound. There was long wound on his thigh, someone had cut him. "How did you get it?"

"She cut me with the knife when I pressed down her wound. That was when doctors came in."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Alex helped Meredith to close the wound. They won't be able to stitch it here, it was too big.

"I had to make sure that Maggie was taken away." He cried in pain and Meredith pressed gauze pads on his wound. Alex started rolling around gauze and Meredith took her hand away only to press three gauze rolls on the wound so it wouldn't bleed.

"Will you be able to walk?" Alex helped Luke to get up. Meredith took her bad in other hand and helped to steady Luke. He was crying in pain.

"I will try." He said, and they slowly made their way to the elevator. They didn't want to risk to take the stairs. "I hope it will work."

"I asked Owen to turn it on." Alex answered and the doors opened, and they were met by Bailey and Chief.

"Are you alright?" Bailey asked Meredith. She stood next to her and helped them to get Luke inside. As the elevator started going down, Meredith answered.

"Yes, we need to help Luke. He has been wounded and needs more than ten stitches."

"Who did it?" Chief asked. Meredith didn't want to give him pain by saying that it was his daughter, but there was no other choice. She had tried to kill Derek, Meredith and had wounded Luke. She will be spending a lot of time in jail. As understanding it all, Chief answered and put a hand on Meredith's shoulder. "I'm sorry for the pain she caused."

"It's not your place to apologize." Meredith answered and looked at him. "I know it's hard for you, but — "

"Meredith, we will talk later." He said and squeezed her shoulder. The doors of elevator opened and they were met by the emply hallway of hospital.


	25. Meredith knew everything will be alright

**Hi:) **

**The last part is here. I want to say a big THANK you to YOU ALL! That means a lot to me. I never imaginated that this story would be this long and someone would love it. At first I was scared that it would be bad, no one would want to read it and that I had tried writting for nothing. You reviews always made my day, made me smile and continue to write. THANK YOU FOR THAT!**

**Also ****I want to announce that my next story "_Steamboat Springs_" will be soon published. I will try to give you the first part today, so you could read it and say if I should continue it.**

**See you in other stories,**

**Ieva :)**

* * *

"_How much longer?_" Nancy asked Meredith. She had gone home after making sure that Meredith was alright and that Maggie was locked up. Deluca, her partner, had been caught trying to pass the border of Canada. He was going to spend less time in jail than Maggie, because his crimes were smaller. Raimond was already under arrest and waited for the court.

Meredith was standing outside his room and watching as he breathed without ventilator. Koracick said that the operation had gone fine and there haven't been any complications. They were able to take him off the ventilator, because he was breathing on his own better than before.

Koracick hadn't heard about shooter in the hospital when he started operation on Derek. When he was in the middle of opening his skull Bailey came inside and announced it. They decided to continue the surgery with seven guards around.

"Koracick said it takes time." Meredith answered and looked at the sleeping form of her husband through the window. Carolyn was sitting next to him and reading a book. She had insisted in staying after everything. She didn't want to leave Meredith alone.

"_It's been eight hours_." Nancy complained.

"He will wake up, Nancy." Meredith walked towards the nurse station and stopped there. The floor was silent as it was eleven at night. "He is breathing on his own."

"_It's hard to sit and wait._" Meredith heard the voice of Kath in the background. "_Kath asked where you keep clean bed sheets_."

"What happened?"

"_One of the twins spilled water in his bed_."

Meredith laughed. "It_'_s Matt. He drinks water before sleep." Meredith turned around and saw April taking care of her patient in ICU. "In the storage under stairs, top shelf."

"_Under the stairs! Top shelf!_" Nancy shouted to Kath. Then she said something to Amelia and returned to Meredith. "_Amelia asked if she can sleep in your bed_."

"Tell her she can, but don't let her eat in it."

"_She said that she will eat, but you won't know about it_." Nancy laughed. "_Your princess is crying, and it's my time to feed her. Call me when he wakes up, alright_?"

"I promise. And kiss boys from me, please."

"_Of course. Talk to you later_." Nancy ended the call and Meredith sighed. The night will be long — she told herself. She stood at the nurse station and watched April talking to the patients' family. She hadn't been a doctor for a year. Meredith had stayed home since Derek's death, trying to forget the loss of loved one and adjust her life as a single mother. It was a hard period, but she somehow managed to live through it. Derek's return in her life was unexpected, but she was glad it happened. He turned her life again, and this time she won't let him leave her alone again. The next time he decided to leave her alone, she will go him.

"Hi, Mer!" April smiled and stood next to her. "How are you holding after everything?"

"Honestly? I don't know." Meredith was looking at the April's patient and wondering. She had experienced a lot in her life ans she always managed to survive. She managed to survive when Addison came, when she put her hand in the body with bomb, almost drowning in cold water after she was thrown in it, the shooting where Derek almost died, the plane crash where she lost her little sister Lexie, the birth of Bailey in the storm, Derek's 'death' and the birth of Ellis. Meredith had survived it all. Today she survived another shooting she was sure she wouldn't.

"I am glad to be alive and to have another chance with a man I love." She looked at April, who was watching her. "I never thought that I would get another chance."

"It was meant to happen." April smiled and touched her shoulder. "I know you don't believe in god, but I do… He saw your pain and gave another chance to be together with a loved one."

"Thank you, April." Meredith smiled in return and squeezed her hand. "Sometimes it all feels like a dream, like I am dreaming."

"I know what you are feeling." She sadly smiled. "When I lost Samuel…"

Both women enjoyed the silent moment together, before April's pager went of. She said her goodbye to Meredith and ran towards ER.

Meredith was left alone again. She had a time to think. She needed to know answers. Meredith knew that Thatcher had helped to save Derek. He was the one who saved his life and hid him from Maggie and the others. She was thankful to him for everything he had done, and she needed to talk to him.

Opening her e-mail, she decided to sent him a letter. She didn't have his phone number, so this was the only way how to contact him.

* * *

_TO: Thatcher Grey_

_FROM: Meredith Shepherd_

_SUBJECT: We have to talk_

_Thatcher,_

_I want to say thank you for what you did. I can't say in words how much that means to me and my family. You gave us another chance with Derek and I will be always grateful you for that._

_I have questions and you have answers. I think I deserve to know everything and you deserve to have another chance with me. Past can't be changed, but I want to make sure that future is filled with love and happiness. I want to meet you and if you want… we could spend some time together to get to know each other better._

_Meredith Shepherd,_

_aka your grown up daughter Merrie._

* * *

_TO: Meredith Shepherd_

_FROM: Thatcher Grey_

_SUBJECT: A better father_

_Dear Meredith,_

_No need to thank me, I was doing my job — protecting my family. After all, Derek is my son-in-law and you are my daughter._

_I would love to meet you, as soon as possible. I know you want answers, and I will try to give you them all. I will try to be a better father to you and a grandfather to your children if you will allow me._

_Thatcher Grey,_

_aka your father._

_P.S. How does next Sunday sounds?_

* * *

_TO: Thatcher Grey_

_FROM: Meredith Shepherd_

_SUBJECT: Sunday_

_Dad,_

_see you on Sunday._

_With love_

_Merrie._

* * *

Meredith smiled at herself. Her life was slowly getting better and better. She had lived through it all, Derek had survived, and she would try to be a good daughter. Although, Thatcher hadn't been the best father in the world, she loved him as much as a child could. She would use the chance to be with him, because no one knows how much time he or she got. You could have only a small moment or a long life together.

Walking to Derek's room she saw doctors walking out of it. In fear, she started running towards it. When Meredith reached his room, she was met by Carolyn's tear filled eyes. She was standing in front of her. This couldn't be the end of it all. She had tried so hard to get him back, and he couldn't just simply die. Derek couldn't die without having another chance with Meredith and their children. It was unfair.

"Carolyn," Meredith started. She run around her inside the room with tears in the eyes. She was waiting to see his closed eyes, his dead body laying there and monitors showing no heart rhythm, but… he was there laying and watching her with his blue eyes, the eyes she though she would never see again.

They eye met again. Blue met green again and she lost her breath. It was a miracle. Derek had woken up and was watching her. He was alive…

"Derek," She whispered and walked towards his bed not leaving his eyes for a moment. She was crying tears of joy and smiling. Her husband was alive, breathing and watching her. His blue eyes were watching her with never ending love and passion. This was her Derek, her love of the life, her husband and father of they children.

They had another chance together. They had a chance to be together and make up the lost time, cry tears of happiness and love each other endlessly. They had another change, and Meredith will never be able to thank the god.

"Meredith…" He whispered back to her and smiled.

At that moment Meredith knew everything will be alright. She will always remember this moment, remember her husband and they little family that wasn't so little anymore. She will remember and always will be thankful for second chance together…


	26. Epilogue

**Hello :) **

**After reading your reviews, I decided to write the Epilogue to "Remember me". I hope you like. There was a question if I will be writing a sequel. I don't know. Right now I am trying to write "Steamboat Springs" and deciding how Meredith would meet Derek. I have written a part two, and I am thinking to upload it today. There is a sneak peak for the par two: **

_"George still has a crush on you." Cristina smiled wickedly and hit Meredith with her hip. _

_"Please, don't remind me about him." Meredith looked around. "I don't want to remember his obsession with me."_

**If you would like me to write a ****"Remember me" sequel, don****'t be shy and write it down in the reviews.**

**Have a nice day, stay safe and don****'t get COVID-19 :D **

**Now let****'s finish with this long author****'s message and get down to the reading :)**

* * *

**Epilogue**

_three years later…_

"And the Harper Avery award goes to…" Catherine Fox started. Everyone was holding they breaths, but Meredith was holding Derek's hand. She was nervous, but Derek's touch managed to calm her down. She looked at him and met his blue eyes.

"You will win this." He said and squeezed her hand. He smiled, and Meredith saw wrinkles around his beautiful eyes. Last week they had celebrated Derek's forty-ninth birthday. It was a small family gathering at they house - Meredith, Derek and they kids. Although, they missed the rest of the Shepherd family members, they had enough. They children were loud, ran around the house and made mess everywhere.

Matt and Chris were now eight. They were in the second grade, loved making lego houses and making Meredith mad. They used every moment to make Meredith shout, while they ran away laughing. On the other hand, Derek always laughed and said that they were only children. Maybe that's the reason why boys liked to spend more time with Derek. He allowed them to get another pet. This time it was a turtle named Mike. He was green and lived in living room. Meredith was against having him, but coming home from work and seeing him walking around didn't give her other choice but to agree.

Bailey had changed. He was five years old, and hated going to kindergarten. Every morning ended with him crying hysterically and laying on the floor in living room. Meredith wasn't able to fight with him. She was too busy with twins, so Derek took the responsibility for getting Bailey ready. It was hard, but he always managed to get him ready and out of the house in time. Meredith was glad that she had Derek, or she wouldn't be able to take care of kids, as Amelia moved out.

Little Ellis, the old daughter of Derek and Meredith, was a little angel. She was calm and didn't make any mess, but she was very talkative and liked to dance hip-hop. Meredith had signed her to the dance classes that Ellis loved. She had made friends and was proudly saying that her parents were doctors and saved lives. Meredith smiled when other kids came to her and asked how was she doing it. She was a wonder woman in their eyes.

Amelia moved out of the house three years ago. Now she was working as an attending surgeon in Atlanta General and getting married to Luke. To Meredith's surprise, they had managed to start a relationship after everything in Seattle. Soon after Luke's departure Amelia left too and since then she hadn't regretted her decision.

After his accident, Derek tried so hard to get back his old life. He spent a lot of time in physical therapy and now is able to operate again. There are times when he gets tired or his leg starts hurting and then someone comes and changes him. Also Derek got back his job as the head of neuro last year when Koracick left the hospital. He started his own private practice in Portland and moved there.

When Meredith looked at Derek, she saw grey strands in his hair. He was slowly getting old, but still managed to look young and very handsome. His hair was cut shorter, barely reaching his jaw. Derek once told Meredith that he doesn't want to look like a cave's man, and apparently the long hair made him look like one. Derek had started to grow a beard. It was longer than his usual stubble but short enough to fit under the surgical mask. It all started when Meredith three years ago after him waking up said that he looked handsome with beard. Derek started growing his beard, so he could always look beautiful in his wife's eyes.

And Meredith… she thought she hadn't changed if you don't count some grey hair on her head, wrinkles around her eyes and a little fat on her belly. She was still skinny and that little fat didn't change a lot. She was a woman, a mother, who had four children that she had carried and give birth to. Meredith was proud of that and wasn't scared to show her scars to other's.

"How can you be so sure?" Meredith whispered and looked around. People were waiting for the winner. She saw doctors from different hospitals around the USA that she knew. Jackson was standing next to his mother and watching Meredith. He gave her a smile and then Catherine announced the winner.

"Meredith Shepherd!" The silence in the room stopped and people stood up and started clapping. Meredith couldn't believe her ears. She had won! She had won the Harper Avery award! Standing up with tears in her eyes, she turned to Derek and saw him proudly looking at her.

"Congratulations, Mer!" He said and Meredith hugged him. She felt him kiss her cheek, and she smiled. After releasing him, she wiped away the tear that had left her eye and went after her award. It was hard to move in the dress, but she was happy that she had chosen to wear it. It was a long, dark blue dress. It had a v-neck, long sleeves, and slit on the right side. It reached until her mid thigh showing her long and slim legs.

"Congratulations, Meredith!" Catherine said and gave Meredith her award. Jackson, who was standing next to her, smiled and hugged her before stepping away for Meredith to say the speech. She was nervous and tried so hard to keep her emotions together. She found her proud husband's eyes, although, she knew that he was a little jealous of her, and smiled.

"People say that surgeons job is to save lives, but they don't know what it truly is." Meredith started. "It's not only about saving lives. It's about happiness to see a family reunite with they loved ones. It's the pain of losing a patient to deadly disease. It's a smile on patients face, who you have helped. It's not only a job. It's a life, a choice to help others and not to ask anything in return.

I was so close for not flying here today. A big trauma came in and I knew I had to stay and help them. I am a surgeon, and my job is to save lives." She looked at the award in her hands. The white glass shined in the light. "The past years have been hard. I've lost so many people in my life. My little sister Lexie, who would have been proud to be here. My mother Ellis Grey, who had won this award twice, once as a resident, and probably would have won a few more if she hadn't been taken from all of us so young. I almost lost my husband," Meredith looked at him and smiled. "He is my biggest support. Without him I wouldn't be standing here with this award in my arms.

It's my honor to accept this award, but that's not the most important in my life. Saving lives and helping other's is my destiny. I want to help and make patient lives better, because they happiness is my happiness. Nothing is more important to see patient smile in happiness, because he is happy and alive. Thank you!"

The room erupted again in clapping and Meredith went to her husband, who was waiting for her. She smiled through happy tears that had slipped off from her eye, and stood in front of him. Meredith put the award on the table and hugged her husband. His soft hands were making circles on her back, and she let the tears fall on his shoulders.

"How did you know?" She whispered in his ear.

"I just new." He answered and kissed her blonde hair.

They stood there holding each other and ignoring the rest of doctors. People were talking and smiling they way, some couples went to dance, but Meredith and Derek stood in place. _The world could wait_.


End file.
